Livestock: you've got a dog in your bog
David: you're about to have fist in your midst
Livestock: you're about to have a swelling in your dwelling
David: you're yearnin for a burnin
Livestock: you're cultivating a bumper crop of karate chops
David: you're on deck for a bruised neck
Livestock: you're gonna win a bruised chin
David: you're right on track for a broken back
Livestock: you're a mutt, how 'bout an uppercut?
David: I hope you skipped lunch cause you're getting a swift punch
Livestock: hope you liked brunch because it's time for a crunch
David: better tense up your abs because it's time for some jabs
Livestock: i may not be tom hanks but i'll stab you with shanks
David: I'm no Van Damme but I'll can your ham!
Livestock: I'm no Robert Frost, but your face is about to be lost (on the path not taken).
David: You'd better write your will because I like to kill!
Livestock: don't make promises you can't keep, because i might just put you to sleep
David: you'll have me to thank when you walk the plank!
Livestock: i hate to impose, but when i'm done with you you'll decompose
David: It might be impolite to, but I'd like to fight you!
Livestock: i shall grant you the right, the right to fight
David: if I may be so bold, I shall crack your skull
Livestock: i hate to say, you sure are a gay
David: it is surely factual that you're homosaxual
Livestock: your rhymes are crimes and sour like limes
David: you have no proclivity for creativity
Livestock: In fantastical days of old when wizards fought dragons and castles towered over villages where cruel kings commenced cruel justice, i would still stomp thine ass like a boot stomps astroturf.
David: i hurt u
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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