Livestock: you've got a dog in your bog
David: you're about to have fist in your midst
Livestock: you're about to have a swelling in your dwelling
David: you're yearnin for a burnin
Livestock: you're cultivating a bumper crop of karate chops
David: you're on deck for a bruised neck
Livestock: you're gonna win a bruised chin
David: you're right on track for a broken back
Livestock: you're a mutt, how 'bout an uppercut?
David: I hope you skipped lunch cause you're getting a swift punch
Livestock: hope you liked brunch because it's time for a crunch
David: better tense up your abs because it's time for some jabs
Livestock: i may not be tom hanks but i'll stab you with shanks
David: I'm no Van Damme but I'll can your ham!
Livestock: I'm no Robert Frost, but your face is about to be lost (on the path not taken).
David: You'd better write your will because I like to kill!
Livestock: don't make promises you can't keep, because i might just put you to sleep
David: you'll have me to thank when you walk the plank!
Livestock: i hate to impose, but when i'm done with you you'll decompose
David: It might be impolite to, but I'd like to fight you!
Livestock: i shall grant you the right, the right to fight
David: if I may be so bold, I shall crack your skull
Livestock: i hate to say, you sure are a gay
David: it is surely factual that you're homosaxual
Livestock: your rhymes are crimes and sour like limes
David: you have no proclivity for creativity
Livestock: In fantastical days of old when wizards fought dragons and castles towered over villages where cruel kings commenced cruel justice, i would still stomp thine ass like a boot stomps astroturf.
David: i hurt u
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!