Trillaphon: I think this clap actually turns a little more of the surface of the langage cementer of my brain into scare tissue every time we watchers it.

Hydrogen: I dunno, that all made perfect sense to me. Although there are definitely a couple layers of quasi-Freudian irony in calling something this virulently stupid a "clap."

Trillaphon: Based on the background music, lighting, and number of guns involved I'm pretty sure their locker room is in the Matrix.

Hydrogen: Nothing sets the mood better for an erotic encounter than a nice basso profundo industrial humming sound, I find. Mmm, that's right baby, I covered the bed in flower petals, lit some scented candles, and left my heavy excavator idling in the backyard, just for you.

Trillaphon: Yeah, I feel like most of the better dates I've been on involved some combination of otherworldly droning noises and harsh fluorescent locker-room lighting.

Trillaphon: "Ooh, is that your blatant disregard for gun safety or are you just happy to see me?"

Hydrogen: Date rape has become much more aggressive in the future. If only he had a gun, this wouldn't have...wait a minute.

Trillaphon: I'm starting to wonder if the writers are even familiar with the basic concept of consensual sex at this point.

Hydrogen: If they both had a couple of bodyguards, full Kevlar body armor, maybe some bomb vests hooked up to a deadman's switch, then in the resulting standoff they'd be able to tensely negotiate a few minutes of adrenaline-filled coitus like some high-noon old-Western hostage exchange.

Trillaphon: If there's anything sexier than a Mexican standoff, I don't even want to know about it.

Hydrogen: An armed society is an erotic society, I think I read that in a book somewhere.

Trillaphon: Sounds like Oscar Wilde. I smell a fresh new NRA public relations campaign here. "That candy-ass rape whistle I got at the Space YMCA won't stop a genetically enhanced rapist with cybernetic eyeballs. That's why I'm with the NRA!"

Hydrogen: The new Space National Rifle and Romance Association. Slogan: "Baby, you really know how to pull my trigger."

Trillaphon: "I put on my bandolier and Kevlar wizard hat."

More Reviews [Movies]

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.