Hydrogen: "I'd rather pin the tail on the donkey." Somehow this became a euphemism for cold-blooded murder in the future, I guess?

Trillaphon: I thought this was going to be another rape scene. Small mercies etc.

Trillaphon: That is the happiest collection of ones and zeroes you'll see this side of a movie about dancing penguins in love.

Hydrogen: Oh, it's a "gazer." Not a "beholder" or "looker" or "dumbass cacodemon" or any other copyrighted watching-related things.

Trillaphon: I can't make out her line exactly, but if I had to guess it's something about how she's getting a really good grouping on the wall next to that alien thing that squeals like a pig sitting on a flaming pickelhaube when people shoot blanks at it.

Hydrogen: Personally I'm not surprised that those things are "extremely rare." No way natural selection would let anything that unbelievably stupid-looking get a genetic foothold.

Trillaphon: Uh, thanks Charlie Darwin, but I'm pretty sure it needs those slimy dreads to piss off its mom until she takes a fistful of benzos and passes out on the couch with a box of chardonnay so he can sneak out and go to the objectionable rock concert/psychotropic-fueled hippy orgy/evil rap clown devil seance or whatever confused lonely teenage cacodemons do these days.

Hydrogen: I will admit that eyeball-stalk dreadlocks would be pretty handy if I was surrounded by burned-out hippies trying to ingest half their body weight in peyote.

Trillaphon: By the way, I told a friend just now what we're watching, and he was like "why would that need a sequel?" and when I told him it was a trilogy he just renounced his faith in God.

Hydrogen: I'm sure we'll be reaffirming our faith in the dark lord Satan by the time we get around to the third one of these.

Trillaphon: Nah, I already gave that up after the first one. Is there anything that involves believing in less than nihilism?

Hydrogen: I dunno, maybe they get into that in the third one. Hopefully we'll have willed ourselves out of existence by then though.

Special Effects-8
Music / Sound-7

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

More Reviews [Movies]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.