Hydrogen: "I'd rather pin the tail on the donkey." Somehow this became a euphemism for cold-blooded murder in the future, I guess?
Trillaphon: I thought this was going to be another rape scene. Small mercies etc.
Trillaphon: That is the happiest collection of ones and zeroes you'll see this side of a movie about dancing penguins in love.
Hydrogen: Oh, it's a "gazer." Not a "beholder" or "looker" or "dumbass cacodemon" or any other copyrighted watching-related things.
Trillaphon: I can't make out her line exactly, but if I had to guess it's something about how she's getting a really good grouping on the wall next to that alien thing that squeals like a pig sitting on a flaming pickelhaube when people shoot blanks at it.
Hydrogen: Personally I'm not surprised that those things are "extremely rare." No way natural selection would let anything that unbelievably stupid-looking get a genetic foothold.
Trillaphon: Uh, thanks Charlie Darwin, but I'm pretty sure it needs those slimy dreads to piss off its mom until she takes a fistful of benzos and passes out on the couch with a box of chardonnay so he can sneak out and go to the objectionable rock concert/psychotropic-fueled hippy orgy/evil rap clown devil seance or whatever confused lonely teenage cacodemons do these days.
Hydrogen: I will admit that eyeball-stalk dreadlocks would be pretty handy if I was surrounded by burned-out hippies trying to ingest half their body weight in peyote.
Trillaphon: By the way, I told a friend just now what we're watching, and he was like "why would that need a sequel?" and when I told him it was a trilogy he just renounced his faith in God.
Hydrogen: I'm sure we'll be reaffirming our faith in the dark lord Satan by the time we get around to the third one of these.
Trillaphon: Nah, I already gave that up after the first one. Is there anything that involves believing in less than nihilism?
Hydrogen: I dunno, maybe they get into that in the third one. Hopefully we'll have willed ourselves out of existence by then though.
|Music / Sound||-7|
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.