The world of today is one of uncertainty and explosions. In times such as these, we can seek comfort by looking back on the world of the past, when our great grandfathers raced balloons around the world and spent their days constantly adjusting pocket watches and monocles. Their world was far from perfect, but in many ways it was a good deal more carefree than ours. To help refresh your memory of what those times were like, I present to you another page from my family's aged mail order catalog series. These catalogs once served a great many people, bringing important items by mail to the rural farms and cabins of old, before being driven out of business by greed, insanity, and the harsh onslaught of science and reason.
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
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