Step 5: Break up.
The best way to do this is to start one of the usual arguments and then wait until one of you says "I give up! It's over!" and leaves. Then five minutes later texts "i srsly mebn it, were done i hae you" and then half an hour later texts "im po sorry lets talk abot it" and then an hour later texts "i cant believe u sent thos nude pics 2 my parents befor i sad sorry, we have lot 2 talk about"
This leads to:
Step 6: Get back together.
You guys were meant to be, and that was just a minor lapse. You guys just have to buckle down and work thought it.
Step 7: Break up.
What were you thinking? There's no way this will work. You're better off without her.
Step 8: Get back together.
What were you thinking? There's no way you can live without her. You guys just weren't trying hard enough to work it out. Try harder.
Step 9: Break up.
.[SECTION REMOVED FOR SPACE]
Ok, that's it. No more getting jerked around. You're done for good.
Step 40: Break up for good for real this time.
Those other times were practice runs, and now you're really doing this for real.
Step 41: You're still broken up.
Oh god, she didn't call. I think that might have actually been it. Shit, you should call her.
Step 42: You're still still broken up.
No, don't call her. This is it, it's finally over.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.