| Robert Finch 1300 Breakwynn Rd. Hermanville, CA 93112 800-938-2888 December 23, 2007 Bill “Beefy” Stewart Head Janitor Hermanville Elementary School 699 Blue Jay Rd. Hermanville, CA 93112 Dear Mr. Beefy, I am writing regarding you telling me you need some people to help pick up after recess and lunch breaks. If you give me this job, I will give you my first paycheck. Thanks for your consideration. Robert Finch |
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This Week on Something Awful...
Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
Pet Disasters!
Pictures of cute animals are taking the Internet by storm! (It's a very destructive storm.)
Convincing People to Buy Mediocre Games, PAINTBALL MAX'D
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Super Bowl Ready TV Sports Graphics!
*Galaxies and stars explode, revealing the Sports Center logo as the center of the new universe.*
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Laying The Foundation
- Barack Obama's Kindergarten Essay
- A Very Noiry Christmas
- These are the Proclamations of Captain H. W. Grieves
- Wikigroaning 3: Wikipedia Sucks and Here's the Citation
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Bruce Jenner: Olympian, Step Father to Kim Kardashian's Ass, Man's Man.