1300 Breakwynn Rd.
Hermanville, CA 93112
December 3, 2007
Dear Mr. O'Brien,
I have heard through certain sources i.e. your company's internet site that you are on the look out for a new shipping supervisor, and I am the man for this job. Allow me to explicate the rationalization as to why this is the job for me:
I am smart, hard-working, and I look good. I maintained a GPA of at least 3.7 throughout almost all of college. My volunteer work includes going to soup kitchens and making the soup better using my master chef skills, which I also have.
I have extensive experience in shipping, and have been mailing things practically my whole life. When I was young, my mother let me sit on her lap while she put stamps on letters, and ever since then I guess you could say I've gone "postal" for shipping things! I'll make sure everything is "ship shape" within my area of responsibility. If I may use fan fiction terminology for a moment, I am a me/this job "shipper".
If I had to pick what my main weakness is, it would be that if I get hired by someone, I work too hard at my job, and I take my job home, and all I'll talk about is my job, and I follow my boss home and try to get him to talk about my job at night and when he is in the bathroom also. I have tattoos from every job I've ever worked.
I am clean, dress well, shave well, and I have no piercings. I do have one tattoo, but it is in an easily concealable location.
Thank you for your consideration re:hiring me.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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