Moorling, what is that thing before you? Answer me.
A computer?

Oh! It just made a sound! What was that!?
You pressed too many keys at once! Now get off, I'm trying to check my email.
Yes! What are you? Retarded?
I am from the finest salons of Paris, yet I have never seen such a wondrous machine as this.

What do you do with this e-mail?

It's like a letter you write to someone, only they get it right away on their computer.
And others have these incredible devices they use to...send letters?
Don't stand all up over my shoulder while I'm trying to type. That shit is annoying as hell.
You are obviously from the time of heathen wizards if the Moors possess such artifice as this. I command you to send me back to my day and age.
You what? Fool, I was just sitting here in the computer lab. You're the one who ran all up in here like, "what the fuck is an email?" like you're a baby.

Find your own damn way back to the future.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.