PapaTech opened in 1993 to provide the very best Cyber-Father experience. No matter your desires, no matter your want, PapaTech will exceed your Dad needs.
001 Dad (Basic)
The Classic! The Dad that Started It All! Completely customizable with 4 fully articulated joints! Now's the perfect chance to have the Dad of your Dreams! A Dad for All Tastes! A Dad for You! Successful, smooth faced, and plenty of Hugs to spare!
"I'm your Dad", "I love you", "I will never leave you and your alcoholic mother on your birthday to start a new family in Phoenix, Arizona!"
Too many to list here!
005 Sick Dad
Was: $2500 - Now: $1999!
Want Dad sick? Want Dad to have liver damage or congestive heart failure? Does Dad have months to live? Give a Hug and say goodbye one more time with the best LD (Life Disabled) Dad on the market! No illness is too ill for PapaTech! Each face mold crafted at local hospice center to insure individuality. No Two Alike!
"Ugh", "My insides, they burn", "*Inaudible Moans*"
Drool Pump +$299
Take care of Your Dad. Wipe the spittle that leaks from corners of Realistic ChapLips!
Wig scientifically made to shed hair in shower to fulfill full "Dying Dad" Experience.
037 Truck Dad
Was: $2200 - Now: $2100!
You might be a redneck...if you pass this amazing deal!
Truck Dad might like motor oil. Truck Dad might like the CMT Country Music Awards and having a few brews. Beards professionally modeled from ESPN Bowling coverage! Perfect for anyone looking for the true blue American Experience.
"Let's go to Hooters and check out the hot lil bunnies", "This country is suffering from reverse sexism"
The Dip-Spitter +$140
Cartridge of Dip-Spitter lasts 1 week of continual spitting.
Ol' Fishing Pole +$300
Self Casting! The Perfect way to Bond with your Cyber-Father!
066 Dad With Black Face
Was: $2500 - Now: $2150!
PapaTech was founded to break barriers and help create a harmonious Hugging world free of society's prejudice. That said, we're proud to bring the "Black" experience to You! Rap, sport, "swag"! Straight from the streets, Dad With Black Face has it all, Yo! This is one Dad you wouldn't mind seeing in an alley!
"Racism is wrong, dog", "Let's go shoot hoops" "Civil Rights, n***a"
LowHangerz Pantz +$50
Very Popular these days!
"Bling" - Call Leslie for Jewelry Price Guide!
057 Dad In Black Face
Was: $1900 - Now: $1600!
One complex Dad! For clarification, this is a White Dad made up to look like a Black Dad! Makeup will smear with careless Hugs! PapaTech only produced 12 Dad in Black Face, half of which are now featured in the Mississippi State House Museum! Limited Edition! Rare! L@@K! Your Dad can teach you about the American South that will (someday) Rise Again!
Censored Anecdotes regarding Mississippi History, Various Vaudeville Sing-along's (Not Child Appropriate)
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.