Sitting at your computer for hours on end is unhealthy. It promotes bad posture, shifts all of your guts down into your belly button, and lowers your lifespan by an average of four to eighteen years.
Standing desks are a terrific alternative. They offer the flat surface that was thought to only be possible on a conventional desk, as well as the health benefits of standing around like a dumbass. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of companies producing standing desks. The few models that make it to the market tend to be ugly and horribly overpriced.
If you're comfortable with getting your hands dirty and following some simple instructions, you can build a standing desk that looks great and adds years to your life for a fraction of the price. It's surprisingly easy!
Find a retailer that sells tiny desks. Not a dog-sized furniture outlet. We're talking smaller. Like, for dollhouses or very small dogs. Assuming each desk is roughly one inch square, purchase around one hundred thousand of these tiny desks. If you drive a tiny car, you might need to make one hundred thousand round trips.
Create a grid of miniature desks that measures approximately 36x72 units. Apply carpenter's glue to the sides of each desk so they all stick together. Make sure they all line up to create a flat surface. When you have finished one grid, set it aside to dry overnight. Now repeat the process to create 40 more grids of 36x72.
Apply carpenter's glue to the top of one sheet of desks, then place another sheet of desks directly on top. Keep repeating this process until you have stacked all 40 sheets on top of one another. Allow the entire project to dry overnight.
In the morning, you will have a standing desk!
Measure the height of your current desk. Subtract that height from the ideal height of a standing desk.
Dig a hole in your floor directly in front of your desk. Make sure it is exactly as deep as the number that you arrived at in step one. This will ensure that when you stand in the hole, the surface of the desk will be the perfect height.
Enjoy your standing desk!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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