Acquire a solid block of Italian marble that's slightly larger than your ideal standing desk size.
Using a sculptor's tools, chisel away all the pieces that aren't a standing desk. In about ten minutes you should be left with a standing desk.
Create a mold of this marble standing desk, then throw away the marble standing desk. Blend a bunch of trees until they are a thick paste. Pour them into the standing desk-shaped mold that you created. Allow this to dry overnight.
Purchase a standing desk.
Take a hand axe and chop off a really big part of each leg. Don't worry about measuring. Somewhere around halfway down each leg will be fine. This is a very imprecise step, and there are sure to be a lot of broken chunks of wood. You might even lose a finger or loved one. Trust the process.
Now apply some carpenter's glue to the spots that you hacked apart. Put the bottom half of each leg back roughly where it had been before. Allow to dry overnight.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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