Mr. Wilson can assign homework, but the douche bag can't make you do it, you think, cracking your first Natty Light. You down it, then another, then another, then another, and now you're out of beer. You start heading down towards your car to get more, but your roommate stops you. "Don't worry, I'm cool." You tell him. He makes you say it again before giving you ten bucks. He needs more beer too.
You make it about fifteen feet in your car before sideswiping an entire block of SUVs and rusted out Hondas. Focus, you think, stopping the car. If you do that again, you'll get caught by a pig. Just relax. You turn up Asher Rosh, smile when he says how cool college is, and then hit the gas, immediately driving your car into an oncoming minivan. Fuck this.
You put it in park and get out while the driver of the van opens her door and falls to the ground.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.