"fine art"Hello, I'm Heather Firth, sexual educator, counselor, photographer, and acclaimed erotic-artist. The hyphen is to differentiate me from "erotic artists", aka Strippers and Prostitutes whom I do not wish my beloved patrons to associate with my creative work. Nay, the fruits of my inspiration are more high brow & and Sexually Intelligent. You see, I take high quality photos of rocks that look like dicks and sell them for hundreds of dollars over the internet. Once you've browsed my gallery of boulder titties & geodasic buttholes, you will become empowered and transformed into a Sexual Creature, one who can appreciate the simple erotic sceneries that make up our everyday lives.
I take an unique approach to the composition of my photographs - whenever I go camping, I take my immature 13 year old son along with me. Whenever he starts to point and snicker at something mildly ribald, I allow my skillful mastery of the medium (taking photos of trees that look like a vagina) to capture the essence of Gaia's Eros. What separates me (the educator) from the rest (Beavis and Butthead) is that I have found an audience of affluent patrons who can truly appreciate the arousing purity of nature, and I can charge them large sums of money for the rock pornography.
i think this logo might be a clitoris
I have also designed a program, Heart of Sexuality ("HoS") that uses these pictures of earth genitals to help couples with their sexual awareness. For only $180 an hour, I will talk to you over the phone about doing it, as well as this cave entrance I saw in Montana that had a tree trunk dragged halfway into it. My "HoS" will change the way you think about fucking.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.