"fine art"Hello, I'm Heather Firth, sexual educator, counselor, photographer, and acclaimed erotic-artist. The hyphen is to differentiate me from "erotic artists", aka Strippers and Prostitutes whom I do not wish my beloved patrons to associate with my creative work. Nay, the fruits of my inspiration are more high brow & and Sexually Intelligent. You see, I take high quality photos of rocks that look like dicks and sell them for hundreds of dollars over the internet. Once you've browsed my gallery of boulder titties & geodasic buttholes, you will become empowered and transformed into a Sexual Creature, one who can appreciate the simple erotic sceneries that make up our everyday lives.

$800

I take an unique approach to the composition of my photographs - whenever I go camping, I take my immature 13 year old son along with me. Whenever he starts to point and snicker at something mildly ribald, I allow my skillful mastery of the medium (taking photos of trees that look like a vagina) to capture the essence of Gaia's Eros. What separates me (the educator) from the rest (Beavis and Butthead) is that I have found an audience of affluent patrons who can truly appreciate the arousing purity of nature, and I can charge them large sums of money for the rock pornography.

i think this logo might be a clitoris

I have also designed a program, Heart of Sexuality ("HoS") that uses these pictures of earth genitals to help couples with their sexual awareness. For only $180 an hour, I will talk to you over the phone about doing it, as well as this cave entrance I saw in Montana that had a tree trunk dragged halfway into it. My "HoS" will change the way you think about fucking.

– Caylen "Abraham" Burroughs

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.