Wow, what can I say? Thank you, to begin with. Thank you for sharing this with me.
I didn't think anybody could do it. I didn't even know it was possible. I thought to myself, "Texas? Nope. Oregon? Nope, dang. I give up." But you didn't, Facebook buddy. You went for it. Iowa. I checked twice and there is no letter "E" in it is name. Alright.
But you didn't stop there, did you? I wish I had known how smart you were when we talked for maybe ten minutes, tops, when we were in middle school. Now that we're adults I realize you were a quiet Einstein. The state thing sealed it up. The heroic proof of your genius was right there for anybody to see, but you were not about to rest on your laurels. You decided to walk into the classroom while the math professor was gone and solve another impossible equation.
The professor walks in and sees all the numbers and variables end up with ORLANDO. He can't believe it! Why didn't he think of that? Because he's not possessed of a singular genius like you. Our brains weren't even prepared for this advanced level of knowledge.
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Jeff Foxworthy has awakened to the new flesh to tell some redneck jokes.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.