Phil's violence was notorious, though there is no official documentation of his existence at any local school, only a couple archived photographs. Even though he was not enrolled in the middle school, he was known to wander the halls searching to cut anyone that "looked different." His methods: brutal, his loyalty: unquestionable. While the organization and mental prowess of Bert and the capitalistic urges of Mikey allowed the gang to grow, it was Phil's ominous threats that kept them in power. Students went to school in constant fear of being "leaded"
Archival photographs believed to be the work of Phil the Fist
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
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