Phil's violence was notorious, though there is no official documentation of his existence at any local school, only a couple archived photographs. Even though he was not enrolled in the middle school, he was known to wander the halls searching to cut anyone that "looked different." His methods: brutal, his loyalty: unquestionable. While the organization and mental prowess of Bert and the capitalistic urges of Mikey allowed the gang to grow, it was Phil's ominous threats that kept them in power. Students went to school in constant fear of being "leaded"
Archival photographs believed to be the work of Phil the Fist
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.