Graduation ceremonies are convoluted, pointless, and boring, and that’s just for the people getting diplomas. The two+ hour events are almost unbearable for anyone stuck in the audience. No one likes these things. Your siblings were guilted to attend, your parents paid for it, and your grandparents don’t know what they’re doing anymore, but someone dragged them out of the home anyway. If you’re stuck in the audience, print out this handy activity sheet (inspired by third grade teachers from across the world) and try to have some fun.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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