This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
In Early Days the Word of God was taken on faith. Man struggled to interpret ancient texts and discern the authenticity of every scrap of teaching and knowledge passed on by our Divine Creator. Strange creeds became accepted and apostate science supplanted His Word.
Tolerance was a favorite teaching then, even within the churches. The Jew, the Muslim, the Hindu, and strange cults and sects were all tolerated by the faithful. In those dark days the Word was scarcely a whisper heard by the most devout.
We no longer must suffer in silence, for the Word booms from mountain to valley and reverberates in our very marrow. Yes, faith is important, for we must maintain our faith in the inerrancy of that Word.
God speaks, directly to us and through His Angels. His existence, His Will, is no longer a matter that must be taken on faith. We know it to be so!
When God demands our toil and sweat, do we ignore Him?
No, we serve!
When His Divine Servants ask of us our flesh and blood, to nourish and drink and lap from lakes and ditches, do we pretend not to hear?
No, we lie still and glad as tendrils sip from our veins and sup from our flesh.
When the Angel with the likeness of the spindly lion and standing as tall as a steeple strides across the plain, face in shadow, voice a tumult of a thousand souls, do we cringe in terror?
No, we rejoice, for though the Seraph is so perfect it is terrible, its fury will be poured out upon our foe!
When His Voice commands us to burn a zone with incendiocannons and slaughter with our lash guns, do we doubt that Word?
No, for that Word is deafening. We cry out and proclaim it from our pulpit.
His Plan has brought us back from the brink. His Plan has quieted the cries of despair and hunger in our streets. His Holy Hand is everywhere and it is you. Will you go and do as He Commands or will you, like the fools on faraway shores, succumb to doubt and indecision?
No, you will serve. You will watch. You will listen.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.