This article is part of the They Came From the Kindle series.
The Alien Billionaire's Pet
By Amelia Amberson
Fifty Shades of Grey kicked off a tidal wave of Kindle imitators. Searching for "billionaire" in the Kindle store turns up almost 3,000 results and almost all of them are Fifty Shades knockoffs. If you're a woman with a boring sex life and you're looking to spice things up in the bedroom by reading rebranded Twilight fanfic you have a bewildering array of choices.
If you're a little more discerning and you're looking for a Fifty Shades knockoff with something extra, Amelia Amberson has just the thing for you. The Alien Billionaire's Pet is the classic story of romance between a young woman and a murderous alien billionaire she met in an alley. The heroine of the tale is on her way home with a bag of Chinese food when she is attacked by a raperman. She is saved by a billionaire alien named Kristophe Maximillian Cross.
Yeah, you read that right, the alien billionaire is named Kris Cross.
Kris Cross flashes his black eyes, stabs the rapist to death, and then creates a clone of the heroine to fool the police. The heroine is then whisked away in his limousine and taken to his alien mansion where he turns her into his willing sex slave. Actually, Kris Cross seems less BDSM sex master and more on the level of a sadistic Wendy's manager. He's the sort of alien billionaire who would insist his employees work every time they want days off for something important.
"But I told you a week ago I have a dentist's appointment."
He flashed his black eyes and said, "No, Darlene, I need you to close."
After brutally killing the rapist and hosing the heroine down with blood, Kris Cross decides that her ruined Chinese food needs to be replaced.
Before I could defend my honor as a mostly-honest person, he pushed a button. The partition between us and the driver slid down.
"Yes, Mr. Kristophe?"
"Order some Chinese, Meyers. Sweet and Sour Chicken, vegetable fried rice, and fried chicken wings." He turned to me and asked, "Coke or something else?"
"Coke," I answered automatically, unnerved yet touched that he was replacing the same food I had lost.
"And two Cokes. We'll pick it up on the way."
I don't know which is less plausible, an alien ordering Chinese or a billionaire ordering Chinese. Maybe ordering Chinese around. And why does the limo driver add "mister" to his boss's first name?
The rhetorical narrator:
He smirked again. "You'll learn soon enough. For now I'm Master to you in all things and especially when you're in my bed-but only if you've been a good girl."
A blush flamed across my cheeks and throat. Master? In his bed? Good girl?
Could an entire book be rhetorical questions? How would you write the action? Would a single, indecisive monologue suffice? What is the best way to kill yourself?
Classic Kindle line:
I just couldn't believe this is what was going to happen to my life.
Also from this author: Lust in Space - Punished by her Alpha Commander
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
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