[THIS IS AN EXACT TRANSCRIPTION, RECORDED ON MY IPHONE]
ASTERIOS: OK, so when someone says "lol" do you know what that means?
KEVIN: That they think you are funny.
ASTERIOS: OK but...the actual letters L-O-L, do you know what that means?
KEVIN: That doesn't mean anything.
ASTERIOS: No, it's actually short for "laughing out loud." And that's what we did when we used l33tspeak. We laughed and laughed and laughed.
ASTERIOS: So let's talk about computer hacking.
ASTERIOS: If you're good at hacking, you're "l33t," which means "elite." It's spelled L-3-3-T.
ASTERIOS: But you can also make fun of someone else's hacking by going, "you are teh l33t hax0r my ninja."
ASTERIOS: Do you have any questions so far?
ASTERIOS: Save 'em 'till the end. OK, so, onto w00t. Now w00t, spelled with two zeroes, is how we would celebrate each other, or ourselves.
KEVIN: Why should I care about any of this.
ASTERIOS: Because you can be the boy who brings it back.
KEVIN: Why would I do that?
ASTERIOS: Because you'll be cool! You'll be cool on the internet! You'll bring l33tspeak back, people will think you invented it, you'll get rich!
KEVIN: If I use any of those words, they're gonna call me a faggot.
ASTERIOS: Hey, don't talk like that, I'm recording this.
ASTERIOS: I told you! You're bringing this back! I wanted to tape record the moment when you realized you could bring this back!
KEVIN: DAD, I DON'T WANT TO.
ASTERIOS: You'll start by calling pirated software "warez," with a Z, like "Softwarez!"
KEVIN: GOODBYE, DAD.
ASTERIOS: They're all gonna think you r0xx0r!
[KEVIN SLAMS THE HALLWAY DOOR]
ASTERIOS: Dammit. Dammit!
[ASTERIOS KICKS A FOOTSTOOL ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR]
ASTERIOS: Why do I always have to be such a lamer?
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
People can't stop talking about this Donald Trump character. He's said a lot of crude and hateful things over the years, and demonstrated a tremendous lack of judgment, discipline and decency. If you ask me, he's not fit to be our president. In fact, he's not even fit to be mayor of Buffoontown.
Nightmares Fear Factory is BACK, baby!
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