For Preventing The Media and the Poor People of America
From Judgeing Celberties, and For Making Them
Possibly Also Movie Stars With Help From Friends
It is a meloncholy object that is in the media right now. When I go out you see me on TV or on Page Six and there are Stalkaratsi everyhwere. Then I do the smallest things and they say hurtful and vengeful things about me just to print a newspaper. This is the dreadful plague that is the chief focus of America. They should have thier focus on other things unless i am giving a press conference, then its okay.
I am very serious about thsi you can please contact Jean Hernandes, Karl Lowenstein, Vinni Cutler or Dorirs (Just Doris don't know her last name she's mexican though) for the release.
It is time for a solution to thises problems and for the hateful things to stop so we can all go back and the poor people and the media can go back
To that I am going to commit 100% of my celebrity fames and my kids choice awards to a single solutary and fully adequite proposal:
Everyone has to do the things like I do so they can walk for a mile in my shoe and understand what I am going through. IT IS IMPEROPERATIVE that we work together on this
A lot of people have promised me there help I will get Al Gore to form a task force with the Climptoms. They will create a advisory committee to oversee the ultimate rock and roll fundraiser. I talked to Bono from Youtube and a lot of black guys and they will get together to raise money for Poor Americans. We have to bring the troops home from Iraq. No war for oil companies. It's a moral statement.
All of the money from the rock concert will be given to poor Americans in a montage to make it get there fast. All the hurrican katrina victims get first money and everyone gets a million dollars. My friends Lissa and I have also been in contact withHarry Potteranda magic owland they all agreed to help give out money in the montage.
The money will buy asports cara pair of pumps fromDolce RuittaNO PAINTIESand a lot of corcaine. Everyone has to do the corcaine and have a good time at a party. Then all of the cars will get onto a big road (in a row) and one at a time everyone has to get out and the dresses (from Salvitorrino) will pop open and thier nips will be showing. Then theyreNO PAINTIESwill be showing.
Then they have to say something REALLY IMPORTANT to the media who will all be there. They have to memorize something from a card which I will have written byShake Spearand then we will see how easy it is to sound good and not be embarass.
When the media puts the pictures in the newspaper the next day everyone will say "oh look there is your parts" or "there is your nips" and then everyone will be equal. Then we will take all of the extra money leftover and they have to buy an agent to get them a movie deal. Also if any of them are fat we will pay to make them pretty unless they are too old.
Have Harvey and all lowyers help me please
Jimmy CarterandAaron Carterwill help me. Bod Dole. Super Mario. Marixca Hargatay. Philips Seymore Hoffman. Mystery T will help. "I pity the folls" he said to me about people who don't like me and say vile hurtful and vulgar things. A dragon. Edward James Almost and Battlestar Galacticas. Three very important ghosts ANDall of the ghostbusters except egon.Shaggy to dope. Bill Gates and his robopts.
A lot of people are with me on this if we just ask
If we justASK
I can fix everything I know if we just pull them together. These untintellgent scumbugs will stop trying to hurt other people (EVERYONE!) if we can do this and make it happen.
I will hold a press conference to use my celberty to call media attention to this problem of the media and ignorants in America.
I am going to put a stop to ignorants "people" trying to put a stop to me and destroy me and hurt me after all I've gone throw to get here and the silly little butterfly things I've done as I mature into a beatufil adult celbrity like the butterfly hatches from the rock.
I am so sick and tired of it all and it neets to stop RIGHT NOW. This is a carefully prepared way to stop it all and I think this is a plan that will work.
To everyone that has supportet me: all my friends, loved ones, neighbors, families, agents, bodyguarts, press people who right good things, producers who dont send me nasty letters
Thank yuo all
So lets get this party startet and put the plan into action
Do you agree?
I do it whether you like it or not
The wave of the future.
I did my part so far in the endefore and now its your turn to help and mobilize america.
Thank you for your time
PS - I prest send twice on the clicky thing and it might of gone twice so just ignore the second 1.
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.