The Lordy Award for Derivativeness in Fantasy
The Seeker: The Dark is Rising - Oct 5, 2007
It looks like an episode of Gilmore Girls, but the word on the street is this attempt at a new fantasy adaptation franchise is more than that. It's about a magical child, a battle between good and evil, saving the world, and terrifying monsters. Could there be orcs? Could there be a wizard's school? The wise among us will never know.
The Pyscho II Award for Unnecessariness in a Sequel
Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Oct 12, 2007Are you fucking kidding me? They got Cate Blanchett to come back to play Queen Elizabeth again nine years after the first movie? Wonderful, and it's only one year after a boring BBC miniseries about Queen Elizabeth that won a shitload of awards. Don't you stupid British fucks have like 50 queens you could be doing movies about? PICK A DIFFERENT FUCKING QUEEN. Christ, do a movie about the band Queen. Anything.
The Tango & Cash Award for Inauspicious PairingsGone Baby Gone - Oct 19, 2007
Casey Affleck stars and Ben Affleck directs in this Boston crime drama. Do you feel that pounding in your chest? That's a heart palpitation. Try not to let the excitement overwhelm you. On the plus side, there is no possible way this movie could actually be worse than my imagination.
Ask any cowboy and they'll tell you: The deadliest snake in the wild west is Lava-Filled Hole Shaped Exactly Like A Cowboy Silhouette
Garfield is a poison of bigotry on our culture and I have never been more offended on behalf of people than I am right now.
Ben Garrison's Cartoons are finally explained!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.