It's easy to spot third string quarterbacks in the NFL. They stand by themselves on the sidelines in their immaculate uniforms, unable to secure the companionship of a mascot or security guard, much less a teammate. They observe everything with nervous anticipation because they know that if the number one and two quarterbacks break each other's throwing hands while giving each other a high five, the third string quarterback must be ready to leap into action by vomiting a breakfast of blueberry crepes and Pumpkin Shock Gatorade all over the turf before losing the game.
Then there are the clipboards.
The NFL has mandated that a third string quarterback must carry at least one clipboard (preferably seven) with him at all times. It is to be his constant companion, like a shepherd's crook or a comedy writer's crying towel. He will look down at it as much as possible, scribble mysterious notes upon its surface and refer to it for guidance when something confusing happens, like someone calling a time out or a streaker running across the field.
So what the heck makes these clipboards so important? What powerful secrets do they hold? There's only one way to find out, and that's by studying the actual clipboards of the league's best of the worst quarterbacks.
Brian St. Pierre
Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.