Chello, it's me again! It's me, everyones! My name is Raymondo. Remember me? Chess you do, I am the man who has so many beautiful babies he puts up for hadoption. These are unusual pets for unusual people and now I am back. Hooray! I bring you summertime pets, with which you can beat up the heat.
Pull up a cool lemon drink with ice, put on your sun visors, and get ready for some huggable pets. They feel honly love for you. They are tender and succulent. Hadopt them. Come on. Hadopt them.
Chloe comes to me from the storm sewer by my friend Arturo's house. She is so prissy. She likes a blanket to roll around on and a nice big pool. She loves to play with a ball and to splash around and I know she is laughing. If I have to use one word to describe Chloe it is: bold. She is always looking for a good time and can get mixed up into trouble. But unless you get a finger too close to her mouth when she excited it is a fun trouble, not a bad sort of thing.
Hadopt Chloe and it will be fun times at all times. She is a prissy girl who likes the good life, so give it to her. Make her happy. Do not flirt with the phone, just pick it up and call now.
CALL 888-UHADOPT NOW FOR CHLOE!
Heyyyyy! Hamlet is back. Chess, everybody's favorite baby is back. Hamlet came from a rusty barrel in a river, just floppin' around in the mud like a sassy hwone. He has all sort of fun and mischief and he loves a chip and Smarties candy. His two sisters Ophelia and Jenna Jameson died tragically, mysteriously maybe eaten by Hamlet who is biggest, but Hamlet is still alive and well and ready for hadoption.
There is a hupdate on Hamlet. He is still here for hadoption, but he was hadopted once in between this time and last time. Hamlet does not get along with birds. He HATES a bird fearsomely. So if you are a bird owner and you have a bird you love maybe not Hamlet this time just yet. Especially if you really like your bird or your bird is very slow.
The chirps, they just, I don't know, they make him so very, very, very mad. Like a little steam kettle. You can see it in his eye. If you don't have a bird or your bird is quick and never sleeps then Hamlet is the right baby friend for you. Hadopt him now or regret not hadopting him later.
CALL 888-UHADOPT NOW FOR HAMLET!
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.