ATTENTION! This is the final chapter of Senior Living 3: Oldageddon, part of Something Awful's ongoing series of articles exploring the lives, challenges, and aspirations of America's elderly. It is highly recommended you read the previous chapter before reading this! And while you're at it, check out Senior Living 1 (Part 1 and Part 2) and Senior Living 2 (Part 1 and Part 2).
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
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