ATTENTION! This is the final chapter of Senior Living 3: Oldageddon, part of Something Awful's ongoing series of articles exploring the lives, challenges, and aspirations of America's elderly. It is highly recommended you read the previous chapter before reading this! And while you're at it, check out Senior Living 1 (Part 1 and Part 2) and Senior Living 2 (Part 1 and Part 2).
Do all of your holiday shopping in the Star Citizen online store! We have great deals on space ships for a game that may not be released for years. Think of these as investments in your future enjoyment.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.