Drewfus: I hear about all this sexism and objectifying women and I don't even get it, bro.
HaloDog69: Straight up, what is wrong with being an object? Like a robot? Like Optimus Prime? What, you think you're better than Optimus Prime?
Drewfus: And then they act like they don't like sexy and booth babes and stuff and then they do Cammy cosplay at PAXEast???? WTF? Make up your mind, bitches.
HaloDog69: Mixed signals, bro.
Drewfus: And then they've got the nerve to make documentaries and play Call of Duty like, "uhhhh sit down wonder woman, the call of duty can only be answered if you've got a working goo bag."
HaloDog69: Truly. Some stuff just takes balls.
Drewfus: Yeah, like the balls I got ready to rock looking at Raging Raven's Ripe Rump.
HaloDog69: Oh no doubt I have been dropping loads all over the last ten minutes. Underneath my computer desk looks like somebody murdered an android.
Drewfus: For real I am glad I'm not the only one. I had to put in an IV to keep fluid in me.
HaloDog69: I've got to go home early today to pick up gatorades at the store.
Drewfus: You want to call it?
HaloDog69: Like ten more seconds.
Drewfus: Thank you for voting in this year's ultimate game bros sexy butt pole. Our next pole will be hottest camel toes in mario games. Voting starts on Monday.
|Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, soon to be available as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.|
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.