Raging Raven - Metal Gear Solid 4

Drewfus: I hear about all this sexism and objectifying women and I don't even get it, bro.

HaloDog69: Straight up, what is wrong with being an object? Like a robot? Like Optimus Prime? What, you think you're better than Optimus Prime?

Drewfus: And then they act like they don't like sexy and booth babes and stuff and then they do Cammy cosplay at PAXEast???? WTF? Make up your mind, bitches.

HaloDog69: Mixed signals, bro.

Drewfus: And then they've got the nerve to make documentaries and play Call of Duty like, "uhhhh sit down wonder woman, the call of duty can only be answered if you've got a working goo bag."

HaloDog69: Truly. Some stuff just takes balls.

Drewfus: Yeah, like the balls I got ready to rock looking at Raging Raven's Ripe Rump.

HaloDog69: Oh no doubt I have been dropping loads all over the last ten minutes. Underneath my computer desk looks like somebody murdered an android.

Drewfus: For real I am glad I'm not the only one. I had to put in an IV to keep fluid in me.

HaloDog69: I've got to go home early today to pick up gatorades at the store.

Drewfus: You want to call it?

HaloDog69: Like ten more seconds.

HaloDog69: Okay.

Drewfus: Thank you for voting in this year's ultimate game bros sexy butt pole. Our next pole will be hottest camel toes in mario games. Voting starts on Monday.


Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, soon to be available as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.