This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

You've come to expect the unexpected from Toscano, and so we've purposely outdone ourselves offering you this exquisite Medieval antique replica throne chair! It features deep, large-scale, solid mahogany hand-carvings of massive growling lion heads.

Customer Rating:
By Throwner from Charleston, SC

FAUX LEATHER? Give me a break. No furniture should be made with imitation leather, let alone a throne. That's why as soon as I got this puppy, I draped it in big huge sheet of leather. It looks beautiful and elegant, like a giant brown leather jacket wrapped around a grandfather clock. I am pleased, my wife says she is pleased. We're all pleased. If it came this way, it would have a full five star rating.

Age: 56-60

----------

Customer Rating:
By The Sitter from Sacramento, CA

Pretty good throne!

Age: 61-65

----------

Customer Rating:
By Royal Watcher from Rapid City, SD

Decent throne here. Not the best, but you can do a lot worse. Was enough to impress my father-in-law, but he's an idiot when it comes to thrones.

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Rating:
By Hot Seat from Omaha, NE

Don't bother!

This is your typical consumer model throne. If you just want a cheap prop, it's fine. If you want to actually sit like a king, pony up the cash and get yourself a prosumer model. This entry level stuff is more for a duke or baron at best.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Rating:
By Take a Seat from Galveston, TX

wish there was a version of this throne for men, with some more masculine features. i don't want anyone accusing me of queening it up on some "woman's throne." i did not see any options for camouflage or cool tribal patterns, or for beverage holders. i think the designers of this throne are not thinking about the needs of real men, or the feminists have poisoned the throne industry too.

i would also like a hole in the bottom. i can provide my own bucket.

Age: 21-25

----------

Customer Rating:
By Future King from Nashville, TN

I couldn't wait to get my Raffles Faux Leather Throne, and wasted no time consecrating it. It was worth every ounce of plasma and all the ridicule. I wish it were a bit lighter and easier to move, as it is now the only chair I will sit in, so I have to move it from room to room several times a day.

Age: 31-35

----------

Customer Rating:
By TekKing from Schaumburg, IL

This is by far the most comfortable of my three thrones, and the one I perform most of my royal functions on. HOWEVER, I have a few bones to pick. First of all, who builds a throne in this modern age of technology and forgets to add USB ports? I don't mean I want to plug my throne into a computer like a mouse or keyboard, because that is frankly absurd. No, I mean this throne should allow me to power and charge my devices via USB ports.

Furthermore, the lack of any sort of chute in the bottom is troubling, as I do not enjoy the feeling of diapers and have no intention of interrupting my throne sessions to use a toilet. Nor do I, a throne owner, intend to sit in any chair that is not literally a throne. I do not deign to such common seating options. This is also why I eat standing up at restaurants and only take buses and trolleys that allow me to stand. Yes, I also do my business standing up in the shower, but obviously that is not ideal. Hence, a chute on the bottom would be really practical.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Rating:
By Sitting Pretty from Farmington, NM

Stupid. This is a throne for a clown to sit on while he honks his stupid clown nose and blows it on an endlessly long handkerchief. This is a garbage throne, the worst I have seen, and everybody buying one is stupid except me. I bought mine by mistake, as I was trying to order the much superior Fitzjames Throne (item AF-1204DT9), which is way better and not for babies. Hell, I'd take the King Tut's Egyptian Throne over this any day, even though I am a Christian and don't believe in King Tut.

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Rating:
By Livin' Big from Milwaukee, WI

I sold a kidney so that I could live a higher quality of life with all the amenities. This throne was key to starting my new life. Unfortunately, it is not very comfortable and it is too rigid for relaxing. I am very tired all the time and have little energy. I'm going to lay down now on the floor, since I also had to sell my bed.

Age: 26-30

----------

Customer Rating:
By Constituent-Man from Congressional Sector 00"92-X

It has been many cycles since I last reviewed a product on SkyMall. My previous review was for a travel mug that proved so unstable, it had to be eliminated from the timeline. That review can no longer be read using any conventional means, but is nonetheless still accessible to those with 11-dimensional fax modems.

I return to this site to review a product that has impressed me greatly. SkyMall shoppers, this throne is wonderful. I say that not as an owner, for I do not require conventional seating as you do. Mine is an upright form, and your seats are not compatible.

Allow me to congratulate the throne-builders who devised this regal seat. Your creation expertly approximates the throne of the Adjunct Commander of Hoag Sector, with the very best Earth materials. Obviously, you did not have access to the same exotic forms of matter as the throne-builders of Hoag Sector, but you have done them proud.

The Adjunct Commander himself would be most pleased to use this seat, if he were not so tragically reduced to strands by Clawmen. As he once remarked before his fateful clawing, "My throne is good. My throne deserves treats."

I have commandeered the secret frequency through which SkyMall accepts its star ratings to give this throne additional stars befitting of its glory. I will not abuse this power again, nor will I share it with any governments, corporations or individuals. You have my pledge.

Age: Over 100

----------

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

About this series

Check out these helpful product reviews from your fellow SkyMall shoppers before making your next high-altitude purchase.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.