Vets and old hands gripping real critters, they do it for fun, for money, and for the love of gripping. It runs in the family since way back.
Critter is back in season! Head back to the Florida Everglades with Chief, Skeeze, Bug, Lleroy, Bovis, Franklin, Chad, and the rest for a new season starting next Thursday! New traps, new critter hollers, new grips, new feuds, new cameraman incident, new stock footage of a scary bug that we use in every episode, fewer teeth, a new superfluous black critter gripper clearly unknown to the rest of the cast, and ridiculous stories that allow the boys to grip the biggest critter in the Glades every single episode.
Episode 201 - Chief Grip and the Seven Critters
Experienced critter gripper Chief decides to take his son Skeeze on a tour to teach him how to grip a critter. Generations butt heads as they pursue King Critter, the wiliest critter seen in these parts in years, but will they learn to respect one another, and more importantly, will at least one of them fall in the Everglades and allow us to use our peril music cue? Plus, up-and-comer Bovis thinks he can grip the most critters this season by throwing grappling hooks at them, but his newfangled gripping style isn't winning any friends at the Grip Lodge. Bug and Bovis are at loggerheads. Can you guess the theme of this episode?
Episode 202 - Sleeping Lleroy
Lleroy grips for critters completely incorrectly, never once sees a critter, and leaves in a pristine SUV explaining that gripping has been in his family since his slave ancestors were made to grip the wildest critters. Chief bets Bovis a case of beer that he can't catch Grand Marshal Grip, the largest critter in the Glades. Plus, Bug reveals something completely obvious that we will make seem epic and insightful.
Episode 203 - The Everglades Book
Chief reminisces about his recently-departed father, Bertolt, after he discovers his gripping diary in an old Navy chest. Included in the diary is a rumor about the Devil Grip, the critter that always escapes traps and has slain many skilled grippers. This critter probably doesn't exist, but we will randomly select a gripped critter to portray as Devil Grip so that Chief can declare victory and say something about putting ghosts to rest. Glades. Bovis, meanwhile, appears in a comedy relief subplot about a cookout.
Episode 204 - Steamboat Grippy
This is the mid-season episode where someone totally unrelated to the show, probably some jackoff tourist, dies trying to grip a critter. We'll spend most of this episode reflecting on how dangerous gripping critters is even though more people die driving in Florida every hour than die in ten years gripping critters. Bug will relate an anecdote that we cynically write for him and pay him to recite.
Episode 205 - Griptroop
Lighten the mood for the season as we prepare for the final episode. Lots of Skeeze and Bovis with his sons Chad and Franklin. Bug has a quirky habit that we will relate incrementally and use to pad out the episode even though nothing is worth more than about a minute of your time. Chief will offer up an ominous foreshadowing of financial difficulties even though he is eating BBQ chicken on the marble countertop in his house and his family seemingly owns a dozen boats.
Episode 206 - G-R-I, P-P-Y
Gripping season is over and, even though it's only like three weeks, we will act like the season is ending suddenly and unexpectedly. Has Bovis gripped enough critters to keep his family in business? Is Skeeze finally ready to leave the nest and start his own gripping? Did we ever resolve any plot involving Bug or just trot him out for a quasi-mystical observation once per episode? You'll have to watch to find out!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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