WHAT IS IT?
See this here? It's called frass. The termites crap it out. You've got it all over your runic foot boards and crown molding. I'd bet they're in there behind it. If you got kids around here it can cause some real serious respiratory problems. These look like mastotermes. Giant SOBs.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
I'll bill this one as a consult. Just a half hour. And let me put together an estimate for you and talk to my boss. We can get in there with a thermograph and see where they are in the foundation. Then we can decide if it's a tent job or what.
How many square feet?
Whew. Okay. Well, that's going to run you about a buck a square foot if we tent it. About half that if we just trap and spray and do some bore hole sprays on your beams. You can round it off if you need to.
YES, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE IF IT LASTS UNTIL RAGNAROK
20 year guarantee on the foundation work, but we'll have to do follow up sprays every spring and then reassess after 20 years. If you have any infestations prior to that 20 you just call me and I will come out personally and deal with this.
If you can just have one of those flying women give me a lift back down to my van I can get this sorted.
OHHHH YEAH, UH, YOU SUFFOCATED TO DEATH SPRAYING TERMITES. I CANNOT SEND YOU BACK.
Sure, I understand. A lot of guys these days like to run it by the wife. Joint checking and what have you.
I MAINTAIN MY OWN FINANCES
If you want me to just fly over to Folkvangr and ask Freya I can get you squared away.
BEGONE BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING!!!!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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