Last year WTF, D&D!? was proud to present a Rifts-themed monster artwork contest that had some amazing entries and handed out some really great prizes, like a 5XL Rifts t-shirt. We had so many wonderful entries from talented artists that we decided to hold another contest this summer. We were struggling along trying to get another contest together and we thought we had some prizes lined it up, but they fell through.
Then Wizards of the Coast contacted us and said they wanted to do an interview with us about WTF, D&D!? for their website. Surely a cautionary tale about how not to waste your time on the Internet, but nevertheless cartoon dollar signs popped into our eyes. Our foremost concern was seeing what sort of free stuff we could get out of the big D&D factory for our column that almost exclusively mocks their primary brand. Turns out they sort of don't hate us over at Wizards and they were happy to provide us with some cool books to give away in our contest as long as we said, "This Contest is not administrated, sponsored, or endorsed by Wizards of the Coast." See what I mean? They sort of don't hate us!
Which means it's time for the 2010 WTF, D&D!? Fantasy Art Contest Not Administrated, Sponsored, or Endorsed by Wizards of the Coast with special thanks to Wizards of the Coast. Really rolls off the tongue.
The theme of this year's contest was unintentionally proposed by me at the end of our Al-Qadim article a couple weeks ago. Steve has been insisting we do this ever since.
Zack: Welcome to the Erotic Monster Manual.
Steve: Maybe it's the barely-swaddled rack or the muscly butt sticking out, but I think you just had the best idea ever in history.
Zack: An erotic monster manual?
Steve: Uhhhh yeah, dude. The magical powers of D&D plus the untamed eroticism of fantasy artwork. Picture an orc.
Steve: Now picture an orc version of that Matrix woman with the big hooters and she's like taking a bath in oil so she's all greasy and she has an axe and she's getting ready to kill like a snake coming out of the bath. No, better dude, a naga. A hot-faced naga that was in the bath, like think about the erotic scenarios of that.Zack: This is the worst thing you've ever thought of.
That's right, we are going to remake the 1st Edition D&D Monster Manual, one erotic monster at a time. This contest is HIGHLY erotic, but NOT pornographic. Or at least not any more pornographic than the content of the 1st Edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual.
- Pick a monster out of the 1st Edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual. Owlbears, beholders, unicorns, etc. A list of all the monsters is available at Wikipedia. If you don't have a copy of the monster manual you can probably find pictures in Google image search. The PDF is really easy to find but we're not going to get into all that here.
- Draw, paint, or render your monster of choice in any style you choose, erotically, and submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org. The funnier and more erotic the better. Graphic pornography will be disqualified. Emulating classic D&D artwork styles will be judged positively.
- All entries are due no later than September 10th, 2010.
- Entries will be judged and winners announced on September 16th, 2010 in our WTF, D&D!? column.
- 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place winners will be chosen. Prizes will be awarded by winner's choice, first come, first serve, with the winner choosing his or her prize by order of ranking.
Prizes for this year's contest, in no particular order, and with special thanks to Wizards of the Coast, are:
The New Red Box Dungeons & Dragons
Steve: Heck yeah, it's back baby. The ultimate D&D starter set is being re-released on September 7th by the Wizards dudes. Got to admit, once you had advanced D&D basic D&D sucked hard, but I'm still super pumped about this one. Pretty great if you're like nine and you want to figure out what an orc is and how to hit it with a sword. Before computers were around this was pretty much it.
4th Edition Dark Sun Campaign Setting and Dark Sun Creature Catalog
Steve: Imagine a world where everything is like a crazy magical desert and you can play a praying mantis ninja dude and take people out with weird swords. Pretty much next to Planescape and Forgotten Realms and maybe Greyhawk the awesomest setting. It's about tied with Ravenloft, which is by far the coolest when you're like 15 but then later you're like "a whole planet of dracula, wtf" and it's not quite as cool that the world just ends with mist but still way cool.
4th Edition D&D Core Gift Set
Steve: This is like your gamer survival kit for a desert island. You got your DM's guide, player's handbook, and the main Monster Manual. What more do you need? 500 splat books about prestige classes like "wayward nuclear war mage samura" and "black elf desert harpoon dancer" of course bro, but they're still working on those so until then, trust me, this is all you need to get.
$25 Amazon Gift Card
Steve: I think Zack is putting this up. He'd better be. Whatever, dude. It's like in a monster movie when they don't really show the monster and so it's scarier than anything they could possibly put on the screen because of your imagination. Well here's 25 dollars you can use to get the best D&D book ever as long as it's valued less than 25 dollars. So just imagine that's the title of this prize: The D&D Book You Want the Most Under 25 Dollars. Or I guess you could buy something else like a Scourge of Worlds DVD.
So do you have what it takes to bring a dash of the intense eroticism of an orc and passion of a cerebral parasite to the 1st Edition AD&D Monster Manual? If so, pick a monster, sex it up, and send us your art at email@example.com on or before September 10th, 2010.
The world doesn't make sense. We taxpayers have to buy breasts for genderbenders while our boys in uniform aren't even allowed to flamethrower anybody.
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
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