PAGE OF SHAME
As some of you know, we get a ton of really terrible submissions here each week. Most of the time I feel its best not to encourage untalented people by promoting them, but every now and then I take the time to give them some constructive criticism. Unfortunately, I'm an asshole, so my idea of constructive criticism consists of calling people offensive names and making threats of violence. Without further ado, here are some crappy images!
Why it sucks: it's retarded and pointlessly racist. Worse, it's not even inspired racism. BakeSale is one of the worst racists I have ever seen simply because he's not even creative about his profound ignorance. It's not like it takes a lot to really make it in the field of being racist, even if you're not really racist and just want to shock people with your edginess, you just have to be loud, stupid, and have plenty of free time. What important activities got in the way of BakeSale really going all out and making this pinnacle of human stupidity truly shine? That's what I want to know, because this image screams laziness louder than a Mexican robot. True, this is a game that would never be made, but only because it lacks vision. And by vision I mean creativity blinded by hate. And really, would a real racist let it slide that Tiger Woods is part Asian? You dropped the ball, BakeSale.
Crapometer Score: -4/-10 (I can't even get being an ignorant jackass right)
Update: Okay, okay, there is a context to this joke. It simply went over my head at the time because I hate golf and I want golf to be dead. My comments about the image sucking still stand, however.
Why it sucks: I don't feel like explaining, so please just look at it. Bonus points for running a stained class texture filter over the text for no logical reason whatsoever other than to make it look like this image was created in an elephant's ass.
Crapometer Score: -6/-10 (It's so empty and boring and unfunny and its ugly and my eyes hurt and grandma's cookies gave me worms)
Why it sucks: rapfan90 contributed a lot of bad images this week, and here are two of his worst. I would have included more, but I didn't want to turn this into a rapfan90 career retrospective, which would undoubtedly be comparable to a garden gnome holocaust. Nobody would come to an event like that, save for maybe a special ed class after you got them drunk and promised them the chance to pet a real doggy, or perhaps tempted them with some candy as a reward for extra good behavior. It's quite clear that rapfan90's knowledge of image making is limited to slapping text on things and possibly very crude cutting and pasting. As crippled as his abilities are, he is still rather industrious. This is of course a problem for us all, since we are to bare the brunt of the suffering each of his images causes. I guess his comedy makes up for it, but only if you're some kind of 12-year-old with a severe cranial injury that may or may not have resulted from trying to shove crayons into your ears.
Crapometer Score: -8/-10 (rapfan90 is the living manifestation of incompetence)
Why it sucks: even beyond the horrendous craftsmanship, this image is just plain painful. The actual gag behind this is that Lowtax and the other administrators of the SA Forums ban people a lot, and that's mostly because we like to keep the forums clean of trolls, lunatics, and the various other sorts of people who give the Internet a bad name. Maybe, in the hands of somebody capable of inferring that the "Photoshop" in "Photoshop Phriday" insinuates at least a working knowledge of Adobe Photoshop, this could have been funny. But only if the entire "Final Fantasy" shit was removed. This is just embarrassing to everybody, especially us since we had the misfortune of inspiring it.
Crapometer Score: -8/-10 (Please ban yourself from all computers!)
THAT'S IT, I QUIT!! I QUIT!!!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Photoshop Phriday showcases the tremendous image manipulation talents of the Something Awful Forum Goons. Each week they tackle a new theme, parodying movies, video games, comics, history, and anything else you can think of. If you want in on the action, join us on the Something Awful Forums!