The Wonderful Page of Shame
As fairly usual, it's time to take a look at some of the worst submissions this week's theme generated. To further alienate our hard working readers and forum members, a little TLC accompanies each featured picture. Just replace that whole "Tender Loving Care" thing with more suitable words. You know, words that define threats of violence, hatred, and degradation.
Why It Stinks:For starters, Areys got beaten to the "Are You Gay?" joke, so it was pretty much old ground when he decided to put his magical fingers on it. Add in a crappy picture of some confused guy dressed in traumatic shades of bright green reenacting a scene that may or may not be from "Caligula" slammed against a purple gradient with some random text tossed in like a salad, and everything just goes to hell. The joke behind it, that being a show where people vote if you're gay or not is mildly amusing I suppose.
How Badly I Want Areys To Die:A wee bit, by way of that giant plant monster from "Little Shop of Horrors."
Crapometer Score: -4/-10 (Ugly Execution of a Questionably Funny Joke)
Why It Stinks:Of all the things to turn into an annoying Phriday cliche, concentration camps are probably the last thing anybody expected. It was funny the first couple times when used in creative ways, but this is pretty dull. It's not that imaginative, seems like it's cashing in on the previous Auschwitz jokes, and not done very well. I especially hate that I'm criticizing an image not for making light of a horrific historical event, but because it didn't make it funny. If more hilarious concentration camp jokes like this keep coming in, count on me becoming the next spree killer. I've put up with a thousand Korean dog eating jokes, a thousand Ackbar jokes, a thousand Cthulhu jokes. It's all so terrifying and I'm so very troubled as a result. Getting back to this image, I suppose I should explain why it's not done very well. For one thing, it doesn't keep in line with the actual Survivor logo. A lot of the author people parodying Survivor did a good job adapting their ideas to the original logo style. By that I mean they didn't just poorly paste a picture into the middle of it. I'm not really going to explain further because I'm lazy. I BID YOU GOOD DAY!
How Badly I WantFatCharlieTo Die:Oodles! I would like an alligator to bite off both of his legs. Then, for no reason whatsoever, I would like his stomach to be turned into an ant farm complete with a little windows so kids can watch the ants work. No reason his corpse shouldn't be educational.
Crapometer Score: -6/-10 (Poor Workmanship and Recycled Offensive Joke)
Why It Stinks:It's a random Google search result with choppy text on top. The only other thing he did was add a beautiful blue glow to the non-aliased text that gives this image a professional look and feel. Oh, I guess he also threw in a SA grenade logo for good measure. You may note the presence of Arabs in this picture. That's what's called cutting edge political commentary. Yay.
How Badly I Want Skwiji To Die:Way more than you, dude! I want him to die in a Turkish prison, that is if the rumors are true. I really don't know what the rumors are, I just saw "Airplane!" a few days ago and figured there was lots of rape. Unwanted rape.
Crapometer Score: -6/-10 (In the future please try harder. k thx)
Why It Stinks:What the hell is going on here. Sure, I like "Evil Dead" just as much as the next guy, but this is just a mess. I can barely read the text because the red, blue, and green just sinks into the ugly background. Then, to make matters worse, he pulls out some zombie humor. I know it's hypocritical of me to make fun of somebody for pulling the zombie card, but cripes, this kind of zombie humor is just terrible. AURGHH!!!
How Badly I Want Wraith To Die:Verily so and with great vigor! I would enjoy him dying in a way nobody has died before, too. Like instead of falling into a well, I would like a well to be built around him, then I would like somebody to fall in that well and crush him. I think that would be pretty awesome.
Crapometer Score: -8/-10 (Mine eyes be soiled by yonder mess of hard-to-read text, bad humor, and overall crappiness)
Why It Stinks:I'll admit that my contempt for the awful Austin Powers movies plays a partial role in me hating this image, but not much since this is stupid enough to stand on its own merits. Okay, so you take a joke from a crappy movie and make it into a reality show by adding some dynamic glowing text to the bottom and an inexplicable picture of some guy in the corner? No really, what the fuck? Yes, I realize it's a play on the hit television show "The Mole" that I've never seen, but that doesn't redeem it in any way. If I were Fred Savage and I wasn't busy wallowing over my fall from America's heart after the Wonder Years went off the air and I happened to stumble onto this image while searching for my name on the Internet, I would probably kill myself out of disgust. My nightly Fred Savage role switching suicide fantasies aside, I certainly can't wait to get to the part of this feature where I declare how badly I want the image author to die.
How Badly I Want TommyTutone To Die:FUCKLOADS! I would like him to get stabbed in the ears with popsicle sticks. Then I would like him to get trapped in limbo with his head on backwards while being chased endlessly by killer bees.
Crapometer Score: -10/-10 (Mega Suck)
Hooray, it's over!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Photoshop Phriday showcases the tremendous image manipulation talents of the Something Awful Forum Goons. Each week they tackle a new theme, parodying movies, video games, comics, history, and anything else you can think of. If you want in on the action, join us on the Something Awful Forums!