Hello again, sports fans! Pregame Wrapup is back after yet another hiatus! It was hard being away from you readers - at one point Lowtax asked us how we had five different grandparents die over the course of few months - but our wily charms held the boss at bay.

In honor of a fresh MLB season we've been given an exclusive look at upcoming patch notes for MLB 2K7. Unlike those fake things CTS and Abraham do, they're 100% real. We promise. Get ready to learn about videogame baseball, because Pregame Wrapup is here!



Arizona Diamondbacks

  • Team bio no longer lists Steve Nash as franchise player.
  • Texture count in Randy Johnson's face increased by 40 percent.


Atlanta Braves

  • Removed "free sterilization with purchase of 32 oz. Mountain Dew" banner from outfield wall.
  • Players no longer have to go out and turn the antenna to get better reception on the Jumbotron.
  • Fixed glitch that caused pitcher to hit Chipper Jones in the face no matter where the reticule was aimed.


Baltimore Orioles

  • Properly filled out "30th team (???) - LOOK INTO THIS" box on team select screen.
  • Announcers no longer say "what's Steve McNair's spine doing on the field" during broken bat sequences.


Boston Red Sox

  • Hideki Okajima no longer appears on the mound in a puff of pink smoke and cherry blossom petals, and a gong noise no longer plays when he gives up a home run.
  • "Big Head" cheat no longer turns all players into Manny Ramirez.
  • Fixed glitch that allowed Willie Mo Pena to hit right-handed pitches.
  • Sox vs. Yankees games no longer cause announcer to say "and now, the game ESPN won't shut the fuck up about..."


Chicago Cubs

  • Removed Jumbotron cartoon of a fat white man dumping a sack full of money into a toilet.
  • Reduced probability of all starters suffering season-ending injuries on opening day to 98 percent.
  • New stat column allows players in franchise mode to see exactly how much each Alfonso Soriano strikeout cost them.


Chicago White Sox

  • Tutorial mode narrator no longer claims fast runners are "quicker than an Ozzie Guillen backpedal."


Cincinnati Reds

  • Fixed processing glitch that caused lockups when Ken Griffey Jr. made a hit during an important game.
  • Light bloom effects muted to ensure Brandon Phillps' teeth do not white out the whole screen.
  • Josh Hamilton no longer stops to snort line chalk on the way back to the dugout.
  • Hecklers no longer shout "you goin' catch a shank, nigga" at white people on opposing teams.
  • Bronson Arroyo no longer becomes visibly aroused at the mention of his own name.


Cleveland Indians

  • "Summon Spirit Buffalo" spell now only castable when rally-cap is enabled
  • Trot Nixon's walk back to the dugout after hitting into a double play no longer referred to as "the trail of tears."
  • New sarcasm slider allows players to avoid announcer saying "A mediocre Ohio team promising they'll get to the playoffs this year? You don't say."


Colorado Rockies

  • Manager no longer screams "what will we do when Todd Helton retires" in between violent sobs.
  • Pressing up after hitting a home run causes now causes the ghost of John Elway to pop up and shout "Toasty!"


Detroit Tigers

  • Special wrist strap ensures players do not throw controller at television when announcer refers to a fastball as a "Kenny Rogers roaster."
  • State bio no longer says "Canada took a shit here."
  • Players allowed to distribute malt liquor and rent vouchers to crowd as a special promotion in Franchise Mode.
  • Added "AND ALBERT PUJOLS" to graffiti on side of stadium saying "Fuck the auto industry."


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The only thing better than sports is making fun of sports. Pregame Wrapup, the Internet's premiere biweekly sports humor column, is both educational and amusing... kind of like that birthday clown who took you on your journey to manhood! SPORTS!

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