Philadelphia Phillies

  • Active 40-man roster now extends past Ryan Howard and 39 blank spots.
  • Players no longer allowed to punch Chase Utley in the face no matter how good they were all year.
  • Due to licensing issues, crowd no longer chants "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!"
  • Matt Smith no longer referred to as "Bobby Abreu could be standing there."


Pittsburgh Pirates

  • Fixed clipping issue that caused outfield walls in PNC park to spray blood when they came into contact with players.
  • Voice recognition technology also allows controller to violently shock anyone who utters the phrase "Jason Gay."
  • Removed seating area banner saying "Remember: Allen Iverson once played basketball in this state."


St. Louis Cardinals

  • Removed Franchise Mode adviser quote saying "Championships bring prestige. Win a championship, bring some class to St. Louis... oh, shit."
  • Babbling incoherently and soiling yourself now unlocks the Albert Pujols's Daughter Achievement (Xbox 360 only).
  • Announcer no longer returns after five minutes of silence and says "Sorry, had to take a Scott Rolen."


San Diego Padres

  • Removed April Fool's Day easter egg - field announcer no longer says "Good news! We're bringing in Norv Turner!" to a chorus of wailing fans on that day.
  • Intro FMV for Greg Maddux no longer starts with "After leaving a legacy of *snicker* success in Chicago..."
  • David Wells no longer creaks like a rusted screen door every time he moves.


San Francisco Giants

  • Removed "AGING FREE AGENTS: Wait here for FREE MONEY!" sign from front office door.


Seattle Mariners

  • Due to complaints from three fans the Seattle Mariners are now a playable team in MLB 2K7.
  • As such, the team is no longer referred to as the "Hyperliberal Hellhole Mariners" in game menus.


Tampa Bay Devil Rays

  • Removed "Had more losses than RBIs in 2006 season" from Team Trivia section.
  • Blackout rules in Franchise Mode no longer infer that fans would rather watch a pitch black screen for three hours, anyway.
  • Ty Wiggington no longer introduced as "Chief Wiggins."


Texas Rangers

  • Removed "Beg for other teams' table scraps" from Franchise Mode to-do list.
  • Announcer no longer says "It's like the Reds got ten years older and added six runs to their team ERA" when watching the team.


Toronto Blue Jays

  • Removed Find Things For Frank Thomas To Bitch About Mode after repeated whiny voicemails.
  • Team now only called "The BJ's" in reference to Matt Stairs.


Washington Nationals

  • Removed any traces of effort from team to mirror real life MLB experience.
  • Austin Kearns' ears no longer catch strong winds and propel him out of the stadium.
  • Removed sound file of Montreal snickering and counting piles of money.


Special thanks to Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka and Rob "Closeknees" Smith, who wrote several of the patch items.

– Evan "Pantsfish" Wade

More Pregame Wrapup

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The only thing better than sports is making fun of sports. Pregame Wrapup, the Internet's premiere biweekly sports humor column, is both educational and amusing... kind of like that birthday clown who took you on your journey to manhood! SPORTS!

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.