In our everlasting quest to document the myriad forms of life and culture this fruitful universe has to offer, the U.S.S. Prokofy Neva has discovered its fair share of peculiarities. Indeed, these starry nights have seen queer sights, but the queerest I ever did see was the night on the marge of Lake LeBarge when we cremated Ensign McGee. Tragic, really—but then again, I warned him against fornicating with the unicorns of the Bleblam cluster.
But aside from that isolated incident, the recently completed voyage to Star System 21394—whose inhabitants inexplicably refer to it as “Second Life”—has surpassed all other expeditions in sheer strangeness. This planet is haunted by the insubstantial doppelgangers of beings from other worlds. As far as I can tell, they have sacrificed their souls and lives in their home galaxy for this intangible existence. It is imperative that we understand these sad, sad beings, so that if their sickness begins to spread we shall have some knowledge of the enemy.
As is standard Starfleet protocol, we have supplanted our Shiplog 2.0 entry with multimedia evidence. The journey ahead is not for the faint of heart, and only those willing to sacrifice some modicum of sanity for the sake of knowledge should venture forth. Those lacking in time or fortitude can watch a short video our intrepid crew took with their communicators, which are now integrated with the limitless video databases of Google Interstellar.
Still hunger for more galactic drama? Set your phasers to kill and come join the crew of the U.S.S. Prokofy Neva on their harrowing journey. But watch out for the hyperlinks—clicking them will teleport you to the regions of which we speak, and that is an experience no man should have to face!
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.