They struck suddenly, with supernatural might.
Warrior women of the South Pole. Sworn enemies of the Claus family. They were banished from this land centuries ago. Yet something had brought them back.
But though we are a peaceful people, the elves of the North Pole are hardly defenseless.
If it is war that they want, then war they shall receive.
The fighting raged on all day and into the night.
Our warriors fought with all their might.
But the joyous elves of Christmas Town are meant for making toys, not war.
And the next morning, as their reinforcements arrived and casualties mounted...
...we had no choice but to surrender to the fascist forces of the South Pole.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.