Meanwhile, Santa found himself awake and, inexplicably, naked.

After hastily donning his red suit, Santa espied a cute young couple rushing through the local square. Perhaps they could direct him to the nearest toyless child?

Oh dear.

Not to worry. The young man was merely pointing with his sword, directing Santa to the local singles bar! Outside on the steps, a group of young people engaged in some extremely licentious behavior as Santa strolled merrily by.

Yes, this was the perfect place to socialize...

...or maybe just relax in solitary comfort.

True, there weren't many children around, but to Santa, who'd been stuck with a crusty old prune of a woman for the last few millenia, the babes were out in force.

Hello my sweet. Santa brought you a very, very special present this year. It's in my pocket, and it rhymes with "cock."

Yes, Santa was about to tap this sweet little piece when suddenly, a cry arose from the woods!

Even here, in this hellish place, the small woodland animals who control the winds of change scampered to warn Santa of the plight at home!


More Second Life Safari

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.