Meanwhile, Santa found himself awake and, inexplicably, naked.
After hastily donning his red suit, Santa espied a cute young couple rushing through the local square. Perhaps they could direct him to the nearest toyless child?
Not to worry. The young man was merely pointing with his sword, directing Santa to the local singles bar! Outside on the steps, a group of young people engaged in some extremely licentious behavior as Santa strolled merrily by.
Yes, this was the perfect place to socialize...
...or maybe just relax in solitary comfort.
True, there weren't many children around, but to Santa, who'd been stuck with a crusty old prune of a woman for the last few millenia, the babes were out in force.
Hello my sweet. Santa brought you a very, very special present this year. It's in my pocket, and it rhymes with "cock."
Yes, Santa was about to tap this sweet little piece when suddenly, a cry arose from the woods!
Even here, in this hellish place, the small woodland animals who control the winds of change scampered to warn Santa of the plight at home!
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.