Overview: Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen, who had previously gotten quite a bit of flame mail for his apparently slightly inaccurate Radiohead review, attempted to serve up another Truth Media Review and perhaps compensate for the ill will that was generated from his last one. Kevin used all the resources at his fingertips, such as Scotch tape and a car key, to write this richly detailed review of "Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones," which he told me is a movie about "space or some shit." Sounds good to me!
Current Number of Flames:101
Let's start this flamefest off with a bang and dive right into an insightful and deep message from "Karl Rayl," one hip and savvy Internet user who has decided to write in some new and exciting language he apparently made up while typing. He ends the apparent flame with his opinion on the popular party game "Jenga," which is a hit amongst the kids these days just like irons and Magic Markers.
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I have decided to include photos of what I imagine the people writing the flames look like. I feel this lends some gravity and meaning to their messages. Also I'm drunk.
From: Karl Rayl
While that last email may have been clear and concise, the next flame message from "Nick Gadsby" takes a slightly different and frankly gorgeous approach to writing really stupid mail: he formats his message in the same fashion as the review itself! What a cunning and clever man! Surely a person with his infinite intellect would be smart enough to tell a fake review from a real one! Right? Right? Guys, come on. Right?
From: Nick Gadsby
I give that last email message the following highly scientific ratings:
That makes a total of something like 37 points or something, narrowly propelling Nick Gadsby above the ranking of "blender" and below "used condom found floating in swimming pool." But enough talk of common recreational activities; let's move to some more hot and spicy flame action from a clever human being named "Nathaniel Thornburg" who asks the eternal question: "did you pay money for this tripe?" The answer is, of course, "no" followed by "you fag." I once paid Kevin to stay away from my car but I don't think that counts. Anyway, he ends his encouraging and upbeat email with the odd statement "congratulate yourself for losing a tick on your webcounter," which leads me to believe Nick Gadsby has some kind of Internet time machine which he will use to travel back in time before he clicked the link to the review and he'll warn his ignorant past-self of the danger that comes with clicking the link and he'll agree to not click. Then they will both go out and get ice cream and take turns slamming each other's faces in between doors.
From: Nathaniel Thornburg
I just traveled back in time and warned my past-self to not read Nathaniel's email message! He tried to hit on me and I ended up getting a restraining order. Let us never speak of it again.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.