Overview: Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons took some time out of his busy schedule of memorizing World War II books to write his brilliant and completely accurate review of "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring." In a completely unexpected and shocking turn of events, we suddenly found ourselves immersed in flame mail within hours of posting this review! How could this happen? What went wrong? After all, we here at Truth Media Reviews take pride in the fact that all our articles are well researched, factually correct journalistic bastions of intelligence! However, some 200+ diehard fans of the LoTR series seemed to disagree, as they produced a nonstop stream of flame messages, most of which contained less than 400 spelling errors. I simply can't stress the unbelievable amount of flame mail we got from this article, so I will do my best by highlighting a group of the most entertaining and pathetically long-winded messages we received. It took me a while to narrow this select down to under 50 emails, since each one was intensely retarded and pathetic in its own special way. If you think this write-up of flame messages is long, just think about how many emails we didn't print. It's quite scary and just helps further my idea that people should not be allowed to use the Internet under any circumstances.
Current Number of Flames: 202
"Glen Stonebraker" kicks off this fun and flame-filled Truth Media session of love, helpfully informing Zack that he is both stupid and a loser. That's a kind of one-two punch that would leave most men knocked out on the floor! However, we were somehow able to withstand this harsh blow. I give credit to the cocaine. Glen also starts the unsettling trend of harping on the "correct" spelling of the word "Orcs," which is spelled "Orcs" and not "Orks" because if you spell it "Orks" then a gang of nerds armed with 20-sided dice will hunt you down and reflect light off their glasses to blind you.
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Once again, I have decided to include photos of what I imagine the people writing the flames look like. I feel this lends some gravity and meaning to their messages. I also thought that "Mannequin 2: On the Move" was a good movie.
From: glen stonebraker
Oooh, "over 20 mistakes in spelling, plot, location, and references to the book?" That's a bad thing, right? I, as an editor, sometimes can't remember if I'm supposed to be checking for facts or mistakes, and this sometimes causes me to slip up and let little errors slip by. My apologies, ladies and gents! Take comfort in the fact that Glen Stonebraker considers Zack to be a total loser!
Next up is a kindly stranger who laments the lack of "standards in journalism" on Internet sites. Hey, guess what? I lament the lack of "standardized IQ tests required to use the Internet!" Huzzah!
From: Jameson R. Goodman
Oh my, it was a tossup between "negligent" and "total moron." I think Jameson picked the correct choice, since I'm sure he's experienced in both of these fields.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.