Star Wars: Episode Three: The Jedi Order Crumbles
by George Lucas
EXT - SPACE
Opening crawl reads as such: (*THIS SHOULD BE SCROLLING UPWARD AGAINST
THE JEDI KNIGHTS, DEFENDERS OF THE FUTURE OF THE STARS, ARE IN PERIL.
THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE IS BECOMING STRONGER AND STRONGER, AND
EVERYTHING IS CLOUDED WITH MYSTERY. ANAKIN SKYWALKER, ONCE THE BEST
HOPE FOR BRINGING BALANCE TO THE FORCE, IS TURNING MORE AND MORE
TWISTED AND EVIL ON HIS JOURNEY TOWARD BECOMING A DARK JEDI.
HE HAS RAN AWAY WITH QUEEN PADME TO HER HOME PLANET AND THEY
MEANWHILE, THERE ARE PROBLEMS WITH THE CLONE WARS. THE ARMY OF CLONES
IS FIGHTING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND BECOMING STRONGER ALL THE TIME...
Scene pans to SPACESHIP flying past.
INT - SPACESHIP
BOBA FETT, now a teenager, is sitting in his cabin leaning against a
wall and staring off into space. The screen wiggles and wobbles and
shows a flashback of the black Jedi killing his father and him picking
up his helmet. The scene returns to him sitting there.
DROID enters carrying a tray of various foods.
Master, I have procured these treats for your enjoyment.
Boba Fett slaps the tray out of the droid's metal hands and it
Can't you see I am thinking!? I do not need treats. Now I am
thinking about a way to avenge my father's death at the hands
of the black Jedi. I want to kill him.
Boba Fett, do not act to rashly, you are due to meet your
platoon shortly and you must set a good example of them.
They are not meant to fight the Jedi.
Very well, droid. Now clean up these treats, I am a busy man.
Droid begins to clean up the treats off the ground.
EXT - SPACESHIP
The spaceship docks in a big spaceship dock. All around there are
clones standing in formation, waiting to be met by Boba Fett. A ramp
lowers and Boba Fett steps off of the ramp.
Boba Fett walks up to a big group of clones and addresses them.
Please listen to me, I am your commander. I know that we are
not supposed to fight the Jedi because they are supposed to
be our friends, but I want to tell you that a Jedi killed my
father. He killed OUR father. And for this the Jedi has to
pay. We must strike at them when they least expect it.
EXT - PADME'S BALCONY
Anakin and Padme are standing on their balcony looking out into the
sunset. Anakin is older now and he has a moustache. Padme is a little
bit pregnant through her dress. Suddenly panic flashes in Anakin's
What is the matter, my dearest?
(Yelling) NOTHING! Nothing is the matter, I just had a bad
What did you daydream of?
I daydreamed that the clones who are supposed to be my friends
are going to gang up and try to kill the Jedi. I don't want
them to kill the Jedi.
...Because Obie Wan is a Jedi?
I sense that you still have a soft spot in your ever more
steely heart for Obie Wan. Once you loved him like a brother.
Those days are over for some reason.
EXT - SPACE
A Jedi star fighter flies fast through space and then lands on the
planet CORUSCANT. OBIE WAN steps out and walks into a door marked
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.