Worried my dog might be a nerd— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) January 30, 2013
Tim Allen > Time Allen > Time Alien, guys holy shit guys— your dad (@Dads_Secret) January 31, 2013
Who's super good at cursive? I wanna script 'The Road Puto' in big, swooping letters on my tailgate.— beestfalin (@beefstalin) February 1, 2013
Taco trucks are weird. They're like "hey, what's up man, come eat some greasy Mexican food from the back of my van" and we're just like "OK"— Matt Bedinger (@MattElGato) February 2, 2013
My nickname in high school was "Who"— Nick (@NickBossRoss) February 2, 2013
I met a guy named AJ tonight who had a severe “I need to change my first name to two initials” vibe about him— Andrew (@bn2b) February 7, 2013
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!