Worried my dog might be a nerd— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) January 30, 2013
Tim Allen > Time Allen > Time Alien, guys holy shit guys— your dad (@Dads_Secret) January 31, 2013
Who's super good at cursive? I wanna script 'The Road Puto' in big, swooping letters on my tailgate.— beestfalin (@beefstalin) February 1, 2013
Taco trucks are weird. They're like "hey, what's up man, come eat some greasy Mexican food from the back of my van" and we're just like "OK"— Matt Bedinger (@MattElGato) February 2, 2013
My nickname in high school was "Who"— Nick (@NickBossRoss) February 2, 2013
I met a guy named AJ tonight who had a severe “I need to change my first name to two initials” vibe about him— Andrew (@bn2b) February 7, 2013
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.