hahaha guy on train is blasting the nastiest hardest rap in his earbuds while he tears up the most colorful candy puzzle game ive ever seen— John V (@wettbutt) October 7, 2013
If I cracked corn I probably wouldn't give a shit either.— Aaron Blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) October 7, 2013
I am on this weeks Catfish, where I fall in love with a 20,000 year old Catfish diety and am transported to The Realm of Hungry Ghosts— A Magical Corpse (@Dead_Wizard) October 7, 2013
the scariest thing you could be for halloween is aware of your shortcomings and the fruitlessness of your dreams— Talia Jane (@itsa_talia) October 7, 2013
its more than just a sword its also my best friend— vrunt (@vrunt) October 6, 2013
I remember once some weirdo added me on skype and he didn't speak to me just stared at me while smoking a cigarette .— Fan1233 (@fan1233) October 6, 2013
taking pictures of two different animals briefly interacting does not mean they're friends.— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) October 5, 2013
congrats to the dude on the ski doo who sat in the harbor and watched the wedding ceremony while scratching his belly— Big Titty LARPer (@rachelmillman) October 5, 2013
there's a police officer at this party and I'm an unarmed woman with a history of mental illness. getting nervous.— keply (@MmeSurly) October 5, 2013
Oh my god I bought the beginner's deluxe magic kit starter set and upgraded it to have 5 phone calls with a real life magician for help— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 5, 2013
does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen— volte (@vvvolte) October 4, 2013
Remarkable art video portrays time passing at normal speed— Nick Douglas (@toomuchnick) October 4, 2013
Photobooth is great because it reminds you of all the times you kissed someone that won't even talk to you now.— Spirit Ghost (@haha_what) October 4, 2013
The worst part of Miley Cyrus, by FAR, is the realization we're going to be faced with this boring bullshit for the rest of our lives.— Sean Tejaratchi (@ShittingtonUK) October 3, 2013
If you get your fuck sauce in my hair, I am definitely going to key your car.— Tricia (@Im_Tricia) October 2, 2013
hahaha i have 711 followers! just like the place i go to for nasty booze and to have people cough on me in line— LAMBCHOP YEEZUS (@iamWillemDafoe) October 2, 2013
Now that simcity supports modding I can finally release my nude train skins— supermoof (@supermoof) October 2, 2013
bat man and iron man are both jerk off fantasies for people whose fondest dream is unlimited wealth and its attendant freedom from morality— mike c (@DinkMagic) October 2, 2013
[throws smoking orb pulsing the message I'VE HAD SEX deep into the belly of the temple]— Doctor Scareitas (@doctorveritas) October 2, 2013
It's a good thing my cat saw a moth an hour and a half ago because he really needed an evening project.— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 2, 2013
Just beat up a fat security guard with my skateboard.— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) October 1, 2013
Guess men are just too emotional to hold government office— Boo-ryce Maimsville (@Khazar222) October 1, 2013
im so handsome women feel intimidated by me. thats why they never talk to me and ask their boyfriends to kick my retarded ass— deg (@degg) September 29, 2013
Global warming cause: 3.5 billion males creating heat w/ friction by constant furious masturbation & hasbeen rising since anime was invented— paraNORMALone (@paraone) September 27, 2013
db strolls into the NASA nerd lab. cut to a fairly sick montage of me showing those eggheads how to unclasp a bra with one hand— Michael Hale (@dogboner) September 27, 2013
why can't i fuck harder? *punches the concrete while on hands and knees*— dark triad tweeter (@bIoach) September 27, 2013
Ordered some flooring samples, and the envelope they came in said, "Prepare to be floored." This is the kind of criminality I'm talking abou— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) September 26, 2013
How relieved was everyone to realize adulthood was nothing like Mad About You.— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) September 26, 2013
A zit in a wrinkle? Looks like I CAN have it all.— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) September 25, 2013
Just told my dad I love him and he texted back a pic of a guy surfing— Mark Little (@markmarklittle) September 25, 2013
Here's a sexy tip to spice up your marriage! Get a divorce and remarry someone younger.— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 25, 2013
I'm the guy that eats like half of my pumpkin before I even get to the checkout lane to pay for it— Skipper Chug Laguna (@DoctorDogballs) September 25, 2013
first day of class, projects image of a titty, circles it with laser pointer. "Now class, this symbolizes how much I want to suck a titty."— johnasavoia (@johnasavoia) September 25, 2013
"Can wolverine pick his nose"??? HE HAS A HEALING FACTOR he wouldn't get a runny nose in the first place. Get off me, this sex is over— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) September 25, 2013
I'd probably be married with kids if I wasn't so busy dominating at the BMX track every week.— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) September 25, 2013
If this Shakespeare guy is so "ahead of his time" then why does he still cling to notions of gender? Fuck this, we're reading Scott Pilgrim.— plopadop (@plopadop) September 25, 2013
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
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