From misremembered oddity to brilliant realization in just four short years: An inspiring tale from the SA Forums.
October 1, 2007
Somewhere between 1992-1995, I would say, I remember a commercial of Hulk Hogan advertising a certain pair of shoes. Inside the sole there was a drawer-like compartment in which one was supposed to keep small pieces of meat such as beef jerky or ham. This meat would be kept warm while they walked.
I have asked roughly 20 people if they remember this product, none of them do. Someone suggested that due to the outrageousness of the product, it's possible that I am remembering a spoof commercial from Saturday Night Live. That is most definitely a possibility. But I remember seeing this commercial on more than one occasion. Certainly my seven-year-old self couldn't have been having reoccurring dreams of Hulk Hogan shoes. Help me, Internet.
Here is a picture of what I vaguely remember it to look like:
It all started with that humble request. But Goons were skeptical about this life-changing, possibly existent product.
You are out of your fucking mind.
I had those shoes! They were white with some yellow stripes, I used to wear them all the time and roam the streets, slyly grabbing bits of jerky from my feet mid-stride.
"You want some of this beef jerky?"
"Yeah I'm starving, where the hell did you get that from?"
He did have rocket boots in Suburban Commando, which could be used to cook meat. Though they lack the necessary compartment.
Fuck, like everyone else I want a pair of meat sneakers now. They just seem so damned convenient. While you're out training, you can just open your shoes and power up with some nice jerky for that extra boost of might.
All day long people will ask "whats that smell?" and puppies with chase you and paw at your brand new hulk hogan shoes.
You havn't thought this through.
ahh, the pain of adolescence... I remember the shame I felt walking to school, my jerky lukewarm within my pocket while the cool kids passed laughing, running together wearing their brand new Hulk Hogan meat shoes.
I actually remember these, I didn't realize there was a Hulk Hogan tie in though. My friend's little brother had a pair and was always bugging his mom for little bits of beef jerky to warm up in his shoe. I have no idea how it tasted even though he offered plenty of times.
Except that didn't happen at all and you're completely insane and disgusting.
Happy Go Lumpy
Kidding aside, this sounded familiar to me. Being a shoe designer, I asked around the industry and one of my friends that used to work on celebrity licensed footwear sent me this:
Tough crowd! Well, they laughed at Christopher Columbus. Or they would have if he'd had beef jerky in his shoes!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.