Disney is opening an Avatar theme park in 2017! My favorite ride is called THE STILTED DIALOGUE!!!— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 13, 2013
I know why we have such a hard time figuring out who bansky is...... hes Manti Teos girlfriend © 2013 Lowenaffchen All rights reserved— Löwenäffchen (@Lowenaffchen) October 14, 2013
if you dont immediately text me back i say "welp, guess im gonna hit the hay now :-/" if you say some shit like "K" i will crash my car— deg (@degg) October 15, 2013
"I... bungle... up... your... HEALTH CARE!! I BUNGLE IT UP!" -THe Obugler— Hot Pumper (@Perfect_Beanis) October 15, 2013
Ya dude I'm def down for some buffalo wings, beer and football! Hell ya! Lemme just change my big ol' diaper first— Lennox BoOoOoman (@LennoxTruman) October 15, 2013
about to have a very intense meeting and presentation. i have one beer in my trunk to chug when i am finished— Sex Carl (@SexCarl) October 15, 2013
When you award a star on twitter, one disappears from the universe, extinguishing life on the planets it had irradiated.— Spooksickle (@wimpsicle) October 17, 2013
these chronicles are riddick-ulous— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) October 17, 2013
nice, a tribute band, sick. all of my favorite band's music except it's being played by not the band. I hope I can pay money for this.— stefan (@boring_as_heck) October 17, 2013
When Jared dies, two Subway artists in full uniform will come to his mother's door with the neatly folded big-ass jeans.— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) October 17, 2013
There's def a huge ball of undigested lipstick in my colon, boys (wink)— Marlo Meekins Ⓜ️ (@MarloMeekins) October 17, 2013
the moon is full tonight. i took my hair out of its pony tail and took off my shirt— Ben ''OG Bad Boy'' (@MuscularSon) October 18, 2013
Oh yeah? Would a pussy dad do THIS? *quietly crafts a cogent but gentle argument for why The Wallflowers still own* Pussy Dad, coming to ABC— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) October 18, 2013
Got beat at Big Buck hunter by a cop— Kat (@katsnacks) October 18, 2013
Fake ass x ray machine I kno that fool just watching a long ass sigur ros video pretending it's a picture of the inside of our bags— KOOL A.D. (@veeveeveeveevee) October 18, 2013
this patch on my jacket of an owl flying into an open garage means im a captain in the Garage Crapping Crew— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) October 18, 2013
follow me on tumblr for the hottest comic book artwork picture, video game joke picture, subtitle on anime picture, naked girl (rare), cat f— Weed Supreme (@ArcturusFats) October 18, 2013
my uncle claims he was the first man to ever smoke weed on a submarine— GARBAGE (@PierreMenard) October 19, 2013
"Tell my wife I love her very much -" "She knows." "Ok well I'm about to die alone in space so maybe just tell her again? Fuckin be cool?"— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 19, 2013
the worst vitriolic hate lobbed at Clinton was like "oh why dont u go have sex again u saxophone!". guess what color Clinton is.— DVS (@DVSblast) October 19, 2013
Miller 64 is Miller High Life after one pass through a body.— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) October 20, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: 42 Slate articles on recumbent bicycles, the guy who yells "whoo, yeah" when Al Bundy appears, the Smurfs 3 screenplay— Haunton Atonto (@crushingbort) October 20, 2013
Just saw another baby dick on Facebook.— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) October 20, 2013
Pepe LePew sure wanted to fuck that cat.— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 21, 2013
does anyone have any ideas about what to do on a date if you're made of pure energy and cannot interact with the corporeal world— volte (@vvvolte) October 21, 2013
God doesn't close a door without also locking it— elan gale (@theyearofelan) October 21, 2013
I blame Twitter for the fact that my iPhone autocorrects BUTTSEX into all caps.— krp (@KayArePea) October 21, 2013
The name of my sex tape will be "Great Mom Someday."— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) October 21, 2013
what i wouldnt give to see the thong peeking out the pants of a football guy— Greg (@weedguy420boner) October 22, 2013
A reluctant family is forced to welcome a non-human participant to Thanksgiving dinner.
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!