Welcome to Molatar's Castle!, submitted by Lain. Molatar is a daring young man suffering from "schizotypal personality disorder (StPD)," intent on spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ "in the werewolf and furry communities," despite the fact that he claims to be both a werewolf and a dragon. This is indeed a very useful service because I'm sure there are tens of thousands of furries and werewolves out there just dying to know what Jesus Christ thinks about them and their unquenchable desire to jack off to erotic Smokey the Bear porn. I mean, geez, without Molatar and Molatar's Castle, I would imagine it'd be borderline impossible for anybody to find any information on the Internet about Christianity! You can bet your bottom dollar that at this very moment, Molatar is infiltrating select furry chatrooms across the globe, spreading word of his correct religion and letting these misguided folks know how Jesus Christ feels about their fulltime pasttimes, shortly before downloading a copy of "dragon_rapes_goat.jpg." This site is painfully wonderful, so let me copy and paste a few of my favorite selections here:
REASONS WHY I HATE ROLEPLAYING GAMES1. I hate FRPG's because the people who play them irritate me. Most FRPG players are little snobs that won't let truly intelligent people like myself join their games. And if I do join their game, their characters snub mine because they are different. I get my character killed off because I made the mistake of looking different. That's why I accuse FRPG's of teaching racism. I almost never play human (elves and dwarves are humans to me) characters unless they are very humorous. Otherwise, its not fantasy for me. I'm already a weakling in a human body. Where's the fantasy in playing a human character that's constantly getting beaten up?
THIS IS NOT A GAME YOU ARE TOYING WITH!Make sure you have read everything before using this method. If you change into a wolf and THEN discover that you feel more like a tiger... you'd better get used to eating Alpo.
MARIJUANA - Called marijuana, pot, grass, weed, skunk, reefer, bhang, ganja... the drug has many forms but they all snare the user with a chemically-induced peace that is very habit forming. If you want peace, turn to Jesus. He's the Prince of Peace.
Suicide - I tried three times to hang myself, each time with a different tree, because for some reason the rope wouldn't stay on the branch long enough for me to put it on. I believe that God intervened at that point in my life because my friend Robert said he had a vision of me. He prayed that I wouldn't be successful at killing myself. So much for those pathetic satanists who were putting curses on me. Even in my darkest moments I have God's love and protection. And so do you.
I Dare to Follow My Dream- I am writing this essay to explain, once and for all, why I believe wanting to be a dragon does not interfere with my belief in Jesus. Hopefully, some of my Christian friends will understand how I feel and support me in my venture.
This site is completely awesome. If you are a furry or werewolf looking to inject a little spicy hot Jesus Christ into your life, check it out. I'd really like to see Molatar in action, attempting to convert some 400-pound recluse convinced he's a rat with six dicks. It'd be one of those epic battles where you'd like to see both parties kill each other off at the exact same moment.
PS: Check out his "were-card," a sheet explaining that although he really loves Jesus and everything, he's still an anthropomorphic dragon and a ranger.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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