The Truth Contest is a website that's "seeking the answers to the big questions of life" using the most rigorous academic method possible: asking random people to submit their stupid crackpot theories. Mankind's top philosophers have been trying to figure out the meaning of human existence and other such metaphysical quandaries for millennia, but sure, let's just open it up to every Joe Broadband and Jane Dialup who browses by our little rinky-dink website with a space background.
The site says there's a "contest," but maybe they meant metaphorically because there doesn't seem to be much of a contest at all. Who decides the winner, Zeus?!? As far as I can tell, if you "win," you get your entry added to "The Present," an e-book available in multiple formats (including a separate version "with religion") that compiles all the faux-philosophical ramblings you've ever heard from a stoner friend at 3 a.m. Here's a life-changing excerpt from a chapter talking about incarnation:
You are immortal; it is impossible to not be, because it is impossible to be conscious of being unconscious.
Whoa, that's deep, bro, it's like we're all playing a cosmic game of Super Mario... so inspiring...
Then there are these truly miraculous insights on the concept of Dog Heaven. Strap on a helmet or something, because your mind's about to get blown:
Look at them physically; they have fangs and paws, just like a wolf, but they give unconditional love, the greatest characteristic of what religions call God. Dog is God spelled backwards.
You can tell the guy running the site is definitely a baby boomer because there's a chapter about how The Beatles were not only the greatest musicians ever but also powerful prophets:
The Beatles themselves were like other men, but the music and lyrics channeled through them contained magic and messages from beyond the mind... We do not need a new band; we still have them. We still have their music; we just have to really hear it.
You probably thought "She Loves You" and "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" were just pop fluff, but it turns out the "Fab Four" used these catchy tunes to hide secret truth bombs that took decades to detonate:
Most of their early songs appear to be just silly love songs. This is what made it possible to get a spiritual communication to most people. They sugarcoated the truth, hid it as a love song, and sent it to the truth seekers of the world under the radar. It worked, if we get it now. It was actually created for now... The time is right for it now. Wake up kids; it is all for you now... Don't lie to children about Santa Claus; tell them the truth about the Beatles. Their true story is greater than any myth.
The Truth Contest is an arm of the Unifying Truth Project, a "non-profit organization dedicated to creating a heaven on earth." Basically, it's where founder Xavier Moutoux tries to channel these truths he's gathered into ways to spur social progress. Here's his proposal for fixing the electoral system:
Don't vote: People think voting is the way to change things; the opposite is true. The way things are now, there is no point in voting, so everyone should stop voting until the system is changed. If hardly anyone voted, they would get the message, and things would change; it would lead to real election reform.
It is going that way now. Fewer people vote now, because they know it does not matter; the game is fixed. We just have to take it all the way and not vote in any elections where one candidate has advantages over another or there is any BS.
Can't see any flaws with that plan!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.