When you live in a suburb, you learn that the main thing of it is having to politely interact with people you hate, who know for a fact where you live. Never lived the suburban lifestyle? Let this thread be your simulator!
Fuck My Ass
I'm the dude on the block with a real hot wife with no kids. a lake house and a hellcat
I hope the rest of you don't mind, but it's about 11 at night and I really gotta get started on mowing my lawn.
City of Glompton
hi *scurries inside without making eye contact*
Do you know who owns the hellcat parked in my space? Doesn't anyone pay attention to the designated parking?
Haha heeey neighbor! I went ahead and put a google map view of the property lines in your mailbox so you can avoid mowing into our yard next time. No big deal! Say did you watch ~that big game~ last nigh.. oh your going inside-just watch the yard lines next time kay? Good talk!
Fuck My Ass
is out enjoying this gorgeous day washing and waxing his hellcat
say did the trash guys come early this week?
it, uh, seems like they came early, they're usually right on time
you could set your watch by them, heh heh
not that I would, I don't wear a watch anymore
seems like people don't wear them so much
you know, because of, uh, cell phones
*trails off, squints up at sky for a while*
*pulls up next to the hell cat in my 1982 olds*
*revs until the check engine light comes on*
i am he
*grilling hamburgers voice* what do you think of my lawn
*appraising lawn voice* nice hamburgers
Rigged Death Trap
Im the guy whos too good for this neighbourhood and cant wait to tell you how much richer and better ill be.
Richer than dinkleberg with his goddamn hellcat.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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