If there's one thing I like to do with these articles, it's to put people at ease. For example, scared of chainsaws? Don't be. They're actually not scary at all. Regular saws are 10x as scary, and they're not even as heavy. Credit for these posts goes to the forums, this intro casually typed out on my phone while running from a person with a chainsaw.
a lot of people would be worried for their lives in my situation, but the roaring engine and whirring blades dont bothe me at all. nor does the lunatic wielding it while in swift pursuit of me. its not a big deal at all. im actually quite confident in my odds of escaping
not like they even know how to use the chainsaw, ill just do a backflip over them to show how easy and unafraid my escape was
jigsaw style horror villain bringing running chainsaw ever closer to my face: just imagine this saw ripping each of your limbs off, then slowly tearing your body in half from your stomach to your head
me: not that hard to imagine
was gonna run in terror but i just noticed that the crazed killer doesnt even have a stihl so now im catching up on emails while they try and slice me up with an inferior chainsaw that doesnt even have a diamond blade
Ride The Gravitron
What is this? The 1970's
Call me when you can match the terror of America's expanding imperialism
the grade of chainsaw oil being used by that leather faced lunatic is honestly rather inferior, I wouldn't be surprised if the thing seizes up before he has a chance to carve my flesh
As the chainsaw makes a few quick sputtering coughs, it shudders to a sad stop. Chainsaw Guy looks upon his once mighty construct of mayhem and murder, then slowly looks up toward me and slowly removes his hockey mask. A look of first confusion, then understanding crosses his face as he realizes what's happened.
"I peed in your gas tank." I say with no emotion, turning as the last syllable leaves my lips. I'm done here. I have no further use for this person and go on my way
im not even sure if its a man or a woman chasing me, thats how little i care
man attacked with chainsaw: "what are you gonna do, attack me with a chainsaw?"
Rude The Gravitron
*stabs just over 8 feet away*
*electric Chainsaw unplugs as leather face gets too far from the outlet*
crazy chainsaw wielding pursuer has to stop and take breaks from all the crossfit jokes im laying onto them
Former Navy SEAL Jeff Caliber survived tier one special ops and is now studying creative writing at Sarah Lawrence College in New York. And fighting terrorists.
You gave yourself that bad haircut years ago. You're a smarter person now. More well-rounded as a human. This time you'll probably be able to cut your hair like a champ. This is a terrific idea!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.