Let's take a quick inventory and see just who has the upper hand:

You: Weighed down by your black trench coat, low visibility hockey mask, and 45 pound gas powered chain saw
Me: Limber and refreshed from just exiting the shower and using Zest brand body soap

You: Winded from screaming "i'm going to get you" at the top of your lungs upon entering the room
Me: Relaxed and ready to dodge in any direction due to the lack of resistance from clothing

You: Probably alerted half the neighborhood by just walking around looking like a creep
Me: Could probably just stand still and the police will be here any moment

Dads Dip Cup

*shuffling up the half-dead tree in my front yard that I've been too lazy to take care of for the past three months* "ooh, I'm in a tree! how ya gonna get me now, big guy?"

Android Blues

me: yawn

chainsaw person: did you just piss yourself

me: yes but only because i need to go. it's not because of you. i'm just releasing a little weight from my bladder, making me even quicker and more able to easily elude you. too bad you'd never have the moral fortitude and mercurial ingenuity to piss yourself to catch me.

chainsaw person: damn you!

Android Blues

Chainsaw Person: Restricted by phallocentric social norms, "acting out" within a narrow sphere of masculine violence against women

Me: Covered in urine, unafraid, dashing forward with easy long-legged strides while making sure not to strain my core



chainsaw guy chasing a bunch of speedwalkers in a speedwalking race
chainsaw guy chasing a parkour guy
chainsaw guy in gym running on treadmill while on the treadmill in front of him an old woman is walking at a moderate pace
chainsaw guy trying to run in a pool (difficult b/c resistance) holding his chainsaw over his head to avoid it getting wet and the person hes chasing is michael phelps

i came up with these ideas and wrote them down while i was being chased by a chainsaw person


*filing nails as chainsaw murderer charges after me*

*stabs me in the stomach and cuts my torso off*

me, in a gurgling voice and my eyes rolling uncaringly: "whatever dude."



[psychotic killer tugs at chainsaw starting pull cord] brrp

[tugs again] brrp

[tugs yet again, slight panic setting in] brrp

me: you forgot the choke

[killer ignores me, pulls more frenziedly at the cord] brrp

me: the choke, it's never going to start if you don't pull out the choke

[shifts his body so his back is towards me] brrp

me: fine, do it your way, but we're going to be here all day at this rate

ron color

chainsaw murderer: im GOING to saw you in HALF
me: who?
chainsaw murserer: saw YOU in HALF
me(grinning): how much??
chainsaw murder: IM GOING to SAW YOU-
me(looking at the camera): youre going to what now
chainsaw idiot: aaaggh fuck


me, getting my arm hacked off: you moron. chainsaws arent even used in hockey


little munchkin

update: me and the chainsaw maniac have talked things out and are now friends. it's funny what happens when you start being open minded and stop being scared of things just because their different

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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