Literature hasn't been relevant to anyone except bow tie people since 1922. Luckily, the SA Forum Goons have updated some classic works of literature for the modern age! It's like what James Joyce did for the Odyssey, except in the form of a glorified listicle!

Smash it Smash hit

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT a student kills Rick Harrison and his simple servant Chumlee and buries a 52" flat screen tv in a quarry.

Blurry Gray Thing

The Time Machine:

A man travels to the distant future to discover that Trump and Hillary supporters have diverged and evolved in very different and terrifying ways.

At the end he travels even further, to a world ruled by enormous orange lobsters with very tiny claws.

misty mountaintop

The Deadliest Game

Married couple neglect their child to death while playing a Korean MMO.


To the Lighthouse -- a bunch of people sit around a beach house tweeting

Plebian Paraside

The Portrait of Dorian Gray: In a long forgotten corner of the internet, a man's Myspace profile ages in his stead.

Doctor J Off

2001: A Space Odyssey
A monolith is identified on the moon from Satellite photography. Nasa attempts to investigate, but is denied funding. Twenty years later, they manage to get a little drone up to test the soil around it

Blurry Gray Thing

Sherlock Holmes:

A man solves crimes using his downright uncanny ability to know exactly what to look up on Wikipedia.

The Hound of the Baskervilles:

Same basic story as the old one, except instead of Watson and those other people, the Scooby-Doo gang aid the detective in solving the ghost-dog mystery.

Doctor J Off

The Old Man and the Sea
Grandpa has to get a job at Long John Silvers for the health insurance

Rush Limbo

Moby Dick: Japanese scientists engage in a delicate research mission

Dr. Dogballs Jr.

the three musketeers three masters of playing wow grudgingly take on a fourth member after a series of whacky coincidences in dungeon raids

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful