You've got a message! (5 of 5)

Bad news, Adverse Interests, LLC. Your Nion, Doktor Vakation, has disappeared in the field and is missing. Please review the asset profile and make the arrangements that apply.

Customer Comments:

"Never left the hot tub. Got drunk on wine coolers and tried to rape my sister. Devised a plan of attack against UNFORCE that involved purple wigs and miniskirts for my TacForce Scorpion troopers. An hour before the operation he vanished leaving only a lukewarm tub with a few apple cores floating in it."
- Scorpion, entrepreneur (Scorpion Armada)

"Vakation proved it is possible to sexually assault a robot. Still dealing with the lawsuits. Stay away from this guy."
- Tokyo Battroid Commander, battroid commander (G.R.A.M.P.P.P.P.P.S.P.)

Doktor Vakation

AKA: Creepy Austrian Guy in Hot Tub, The Bed, Bath, and Beyonder, Der Vanisher

Customer Score: 26% (rate)

Availability: Currently Unavailable!

Capabilities: Mm, hi. I hopes you like the good times commander for your troopers. I have a bath and watch them parade. So many troopers, yes? How about a plan for them? Go here! No, go to here! Attack! This can be done from the tub, trust me on this. Why don't you come sit with me, yes? Mm, a good tub.

Equipment: Mm, yes, okay. A tub. A sound mind with a good statistical and analytical ability. How fast is a bullet? Yes? I know this. 200 miles per hour. Mm, another question. What sort of trooper do you need to chase a horse? No, you tell me. Your face is so insolent I imagine. Turn around and show me. Now without the shirt.

Special Training/Notes: Yes, Mm, well, I have gone to many "schools" to learn a "education." Heeheehee. Okay. Heeheehee. Yes, really, I am okay now. To be honest with you I did not graduate any school. Formal education is for cattle. I was a journeyman of assassins and astronomers and Torry who does the tubs, yes? F-I-B-E-R-G-L-A-S-S, yes, but the rocks, they look so real...

Asset Liquidation Clause: In the event of asset liquidation in the field, a payment totaling A QUARTER is to be paid to Mm, heeheehee, yes the Get a Life Fund for you to gets a life.

Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Disappeared from his hot tub roughly two hours before Rainbow-8 raided Caesar's Palace. Never heard from again. Still presumed to be a creepy (more)

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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